“For The Love Of Lesbian”

By Matilda Holman

Hi my name is Matilda, and I am a Lesbian. This isn’t how I normally introduce myself but for this blog I feel it’s appropriate. When I was younger the word lesbian always just sounded
bad, even after I had accepted myself as the pussy-licking, titty-loving LESBIAN that I am. 

My name is Matilda and I am a lesbian. When I first came out, I would always squirm at the word lesbian and for many people who have come out I see that they feel the same way I did.

Contrastingly the word gay doesn’t seem to have the same kind of uncomfortable, awkward feeling that Lesbian does. Lots of lesbians even if they are 100% comfortable with the fact that they, like me, are a exclusively pussy-licking, titty-loving L… Gay woman, they just can’t bring them selves to refer to themselves as a lesbian.

My name is Matilda, and I am a lesbian. In 2015 when I was about 21, I fell in love with my best friend (which is a whole other story in itself). I couldn’t have been surrounded with better people to support me through my coming out period.

I was living in Barcelona and had recently moved into a flat with 2 friends. Both who supported me tremendously and who ultimately are the people who made me feel comfortable with my sexuality.

My name is Matilda and I am a lesbian. We were best friends, two straight girls that spent every waking moment together. We were inseparable. Everyone in our life would call us lesbians.

My flatmates, everyday would say to me “When you are ready to accept yourself and tell us that you’re are a Lesbian. We are here.” That word, Lesbian, was just so difficult.

When I finally decided to stop driving my self crazy, going round and round in circles in my head about all the reasons was I wasn’t in love with (for the purpose of this blog post lets called her lady-L), I went to one of my flatmates who was snoozing on the couch, I cuddled in to her and whispered “I think I like Lady-L”.

I was immediately squeezed back, made to feel loved and accepted and encouraged to tell my other flatmate. However it was a lot longer after that that I became comfortable with calling myself a lesbian.

My name is Matilda and I am a lesbian. The next part of my life was a long hard couple months, my coming out period, that is also one long ass story with 100 other little stories inside of it, as I am sure every LGBT person´s coming out story is.

So once I was through that stage, I was out, I was comfortable with myself and I was happy holding lady-L’s hand as we walk down La Rambla, kissing her in public as I please and going everywhere as a couple, but still, that word made me feel so uncomfortable.

My name is Matilda and I am a lesbian. After watching me squirm every time the “L word” came up, one of the super hero’s of my story, my flatmates, said “You have obviously only ever heard the word lesbian used negatively and in your mind it only has a negative connotation – so whether you like it or not I am going to say it to you so often that it builds a new meaning in your mind.” For the next year all would hear is, “What are you lezzas up to today?”, “LESBIANSSSS, are you home?”, “Where’s the other lesbian?”, “You lesbos need anything from the shop?”, “I’m cooking dinner tonight, you lesbians in?”.

My names Matilda and I am a Lesbian. Now I know every misunderstood person loves a good happily every after story but unfortunately this one doesn’t end like that – we broke up. I got my heart broken, I grieved and when I came out the other side and could start looking at other people and decide what I like what I was into and what I wanted to identify as, I could proudly say:

My names is Matilda and I am a lesbian.

Now you are 26 times closer to building a positive connotion to the word lesbian, 27, and redefining it your mind in your mind.

To read more articles about Relationships follow this link

To read about the Assassination of an LGBT rights campaigner and Politician click here

To check out Matilda´s Instagram click here

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