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Awakening Creativity Mental Health Mind Motivation Perfection Positivity Risk Taking Self Confidence Vulnerability Wellness

The Art of Vulnerability – How Vulnerable Are You?

Vulnerability

I have recently been listening to a series of talks about vulnerability by an American Researcher named Brené Brown. Now this word vulnerability has really struck a chord with me.

What does it really mean to be vulnerable? Why are we so scared of being vulnerable? What is the gain from vulnerability?

Now, when I am talking about vulnerability, I must make it clear that I’m talking about emotional vulnerability. As far as I can see there is no advantage to making yourself vulnerable by putting yourself in unnecessary danger.

As I continue on my quest for wisdom I am uncovering more and more ugly truths about my personality, repressed emotions, core beliefs and roots for toxic behaviour. As I dig deeper, deeper and deeper I inevitably end at a string of negative fears or core beliefs.

  • Fear of failure
  • Fear of rejection
  • Fear of not being loved
  • Fear of not being accepted
  • Fear of being ridiculed
  • Fear of not being attractive, funny or clever enough

All of these toxic beliefs that cause us to retract from the world and seek pleasure from external sources. We medicate, self-sabotage, escape, anything to avoid the feeling of being vulnerable, of having lost control.

Practising Vulnerability

To be vulnerable is to step out of your comfort zone, to experience new things. To try to fail, to scream and to wail. Being vulnerable is taking that leap of faith and opening up your heart despite the risk of potential pain and heartbreak. Opening your mind to the beauty of the world as well as the horrors.

You see without darkness there is no light, without sadness no happiness and without hate no love. A lot of us try and mitigate the pain from the darker side of life and opt to cruise through the middle feeling a numbingly average mixture of emotions.

We choose apathy, we choose to live an apathetic life. A pathetic life

We deny ourselves of true love, joy, compassion, ecstasy (the natural kind!), and empathy because truly experiencing these emotions requires a level of vulnerability that scares people.

Vulnerability is picking apart your brain and analysing every part, trying to improve in any way possible. Laying your flaws on the floor and painfully scrubbing each one until it is clean. Vulnerability is removing your mask and trying to live an authentic life. Saying yes when you mean yes and no when you mean no. Being open and honest regardless of the consequences.

Vulnerability is empathically sharing anothers pain, not just giving a sym-pathetic smile. Vulnerability is letting go of control of your environment and trusting that everything will be alright.

Putting your faith in a power greater than you is vulnerability.

Most people have been hurt at some stage in their life and it can be very hard to bounce back. Arguably the two most important things in life – love and creativity – are the two things that make us most vulnerable. Creation and innovation of things that have never been seen or heard before is vulnerability. The word vulnerability gives the negative connotation of weakness. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Vulnerability requires bravery and the more vulnerable we make ourselves, the more we open ourselves up to the possibility of love, creativity, and authenticity.

Support My Work!

This blog and other related projects require a lot of time and money but I do it because I want to help people.

If you have benefitted from my content and would like to help me to keep creating more, then I would be so grateful for any donations through my Patreon account.

Vulnerability
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Categories
Depression Education Mental Health Mind Obsession Treatment Wellness

Letting Go of Control


“We are the creators of our own reality” is phrase that appears more and more as people turn to various esoteric and more widely known spiritual practices in order to let go of control and free the mind.

Practices such as meditation, mindfulness and manifestation, once reserved only for those who had the time, money and will to travel to the far East and learn from a master, have now hit the west with a bang and people are turning to these wonderful practices to try and connect with themselves and solve their issues with power of the mind.

The need to launch ourselves head first into these practices often stems from mental health problems and the desire to take control of our brains. The problem is that we are so used to trying to control every aspect of our lives that quite often we miss the point of these exercises – to let go of control.

Many of us try to traverse our way through life at the helm of a steam barge with very little stopping power or manoeuvrability.

We try to control our jobs, our relationships, our free time – worrying about what we are doing and sabotaging good things that come to us. We try to force ourselves to live in a certain way, thinking, dressing, talking like others to try and maintain this sense of identity and belonging.

Many people feel trapped. Trapped in a location they are bored of, trapped in a job they don’t like or trapped in a relationship that is failing to make them feel free. It is this false sense of being trapped by external circumstances that cause so many people to exhibit the aptly named escapist behaviours.

Escapist Behaviours

Escapist behaviours are often used to distract from painful thoughts and emotions in life, and are often exhibited by people suffering with anxiety, depression and or low self esteem. Escapism can also be a method of blocking out or distracting from painful experiences or current traumas.

Examples of toxic escapist behaviours include:

  • Over/under eating
  • Extreme promiscuity
  • Sex/masturbation addiction
  • Excessive use of Drugs/alcohol
  • Video games addiction
  • Strong desire to abandon your job, relationship, home, (of course there are many circumstances where it would be wise to abandon one of these things)
  • Excessive exercise
  • Excessive working
  • Most obsessions

If you notice a change in any of these behaviours it is important to stop and ask yourself why.

Letting go of control
Banksy´s “Snorting copper” taken at a Banksy exposition in Espacio Trafalgar – Barcelona

Feeling Like You Are Losing Control


The sense of losing control causes people to panic and start trying to manipulate their situation. When the mind slips and we start to experience stress, panic, anxiety we desperately try to grab the reigns and try and steer our lives in the direction we think they should head.

Counter-intuitively it is in these exact moments where letting go of control is most crucial. When we start to notice ourselves having irrational thoughts, impulses to act and make drastic decisions, or the desire to suddenly abandon or undertake a new project, we need to stop, breathe, do nothing, and spend some time alone with our thoughts.

Of course this does not mean that making big decisions or changing plans for a project is a bad thing, it simply means we must understand the roots of the decisions for change.

Ask Yourself

Is the desire to change rooted in:

  • Fear
  • Anxiety
  • Doubt
  • Stress
  • Anger
  • Hatred
  • Lust

Will this change ultimately improve my life and bring me closer to where I would like to be?

When we experience these impulses, or notice a change in our behaviour – such as drinking, eating, smoking or even exercising more than usual we need to try and objectively view our situation and find what it is that we are trying to run from.

Writing down dreams, recurring thoughts, and also just how we are feeling in a journal helps to pinpoint the real issue at hand. It is important to keep asking “why?”. When we keep asking “why?” for all of our behaviours we soon arrive at what are known as our core beliefs.

Letting go of control

Core Beliefs

Some common negative core beliefs:

I am not good enough – I am not worthy of happiness

I am not smart enough – I will fail at anything I try

I am unlovable – Nobody appreciates me

People are untrustworthy – They just want to take advantage

Our core beliefs are the intrinsic beliefs that we have about ourselves, other people, and the world as a whole. Beyond the ego and beyond our daily surface thoughts, they are the beliefs and values that govern how we perceive ourselves and the world around us.

By learning to recognise thoughts and impulses that come from our core beliefs we start to notice certain triggers and patterns in our behaviour.

This in itself is an exercise in mindfulness. By letting go of the urge to take control of a situation we inadvertently take control of our mind and life. The more these simple exercises are practised the more we start to feel free.

We soon start to realise that trying to control every aspect of our lives actually imprisons us even deeper inside our own mind and it becomes apparent that the villain in our tragedy is ourselves. We are the ones that are restricting ourselves and removing our freedom.

We are the creators of our own reality but the key to creation and true freedom is letting go of control and trusting that the life you desire will manifest itself.

Support My Work!

This blog and other related projects require a lot of time and money but I do it because I want to help people.

If you have benefitted from my content and would like to help me to keep creating more, then I would be so grateful for any donations through my Patreon account.

Letting go of control
The cat is called Naruto

Please Get In Contact!

I love hearing from people so please don´t be shy. If there is anything that you would like to hear more about or if you have any questions then you can contact me in any way that you would like!

Leave a comment on the article or, if you prefer, send me an email to conor@thequestforwisdom.com

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Categories
Curiosity Future of Humanity Motivation Positivity Self Confidence

Everything Happens For A Reason

Everything happens for a reason

24.07.20

I’m sure you have heard this cliché saying but have you ever stopped to consider that this may actually be true.

Losing your job, breaking up with a partner, even getting hit by a car – what if this is all supposed to happen to us?

Every single thing that happens to us from the worst imaginable thing to the best moment of our life happens for reason. Life is one big lesson and every day we are learning.

I’m going to throw in another cliché saying that “every cloud has a silver lining”.

Magical sky above Rambla Raval – Barcelona
@thequestforwisdom

I’m going to throw in another cliché saying that “every cloud has a silver lining”.

Every loss, period of depression, heartbreak, and pain that we feel makes us a better person. Everybody experiences suffering and low points in their life and no two peoples suffering are comparable.

We have the tendency to compare our suffering to others.

We see people dying, we see war, we see people without shelter or food.

It makes us think that our own suffering, our own internal struggle is worthless – is pathetic. People can live in what’s considered to be perfect surroundings – in total safety and comfort yet have internal struggles that are so bad that they prefer to end their life.

Paradoxically, there are people who live in horrific environments, suffer abuse, have their lives endangered on a daily basis yet they are happy and free.

This just goes to show that we are the Masters of our own destiny.

We can choose to suffer, or we can choose to be happy and free.

Now, by no means am I saying this is easy it is not. Freeing yourself mentally and emotionally is a long arduous process and the road to happiness has many traps on the way.

We spend our lives searching for happiness, and yearning for an inner peace that we may have momentarily experienced, but I truly believe that to experience inner peace we must not only experience but embrace the dark side of inner torture.

@morsha

Everything Happens For A Reason

Whenever you’re feeling low must always remember that everything happens for a reason, every cloud has a silver lining and the harder you fall the harder you will bounce back. Once you learn to accept that pain and suffering are temporary you can start to find happiness in sadness.

You can be happy and proud knowing that you are sad because you are facing your problems head-on. You’re working through an internal struggle instead of running, hiding, or masking the problem.

Every minute you spend in a dark place fighting through your problems you are chiselling away at your soft protective outer layer and shaping yourself into the true person that you really are.

Everything happens for a reason
@thedmsa

Once you learn to accept that everything happens for a reason you will start to see the positives outshining the negatives in all situations and you will be able to live your life in peace.

I like wearing hats and pulling stupid faces
@thequestforwisdom
@conorjmonaghan

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