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Addiction ADHD Alcohol Atomoxetine Drugs Mental Health Mind Obsession Sobriety Strattera Wellness

What´s It Like To Be Completely Sober?

What´s it like to be completely sober?

This article was written on 24.04.20 but re-published due to a site update

I would like to start this by saying that I AM NOT completely sober. I take a mind-altering substance every single day to help me live a normal life as well as recreational Psychedelic drugs from time to time because they FASCINATE me.

What do I take? I take Strattera, (Atomoxetine), which is a Noradrenaline Reuptake Inhibitor. This is a medication designed for people with ADHD who are expected to have an imbalance of Noradrenaline. Noradrenaline, amongst other things is responsible for our fight or flight response.

I have however passed through various stages of (almost) complete sobriety.

Complete sobriety I think is very nearly impossible. Everyone has their vice

Starting with the biggest killer in the world…

SUGAR

Followed by the next most popular poison of choice

CAFFEINE

Followed by

ALCOHOL

Followed by

NICOTINE

Illegal Drugs

After these come all of the “bad” drugs. The other drugs that all have very similar mind-altering effects but are considered damaging to society and thus illegal.

At least one of the “big 4” is freely available to purchase or consume in almost every part of the world and they are the “socially accepted” drugs – but by far amongst the most powerful.

I do not drink alcohol, I do not smoke (weed or cigarettes), I do not consume caffeine, I do not use cocaine. I do however use Psychedelic drugs from time to time.

So What´s It Like Be Sober With ADHD?

When I came back from Brazil I had come off my medication and was going somewhat crazy. Read about My Strattera experience here. Strattera can take up to 2 months to take effect in your body and so the changes that it makes are slow but quite drastic on a neurological and physical level. Coming off it was horrible.

For long term prescription drugs such as this it is highly unrecommended to suddenly stop, because although it is not a physically addictive drug, (there are no physical withdrawals or cravings), it does change how your body functions and so there can be a lot of side effects.

The first few days I noticed my anxiety levels shoot through the roof – partly due to the fear of uncertainty – but partly due to the rise in Noradrenaline.

Within a fairly short space of time I started to feel more and more out of control. When I am “sober” and not medicated I feel like I have adrenaline surging through my body.

I can feel it pulsing and if I try and sit still my muscles get cramped and agitated and I get restless leg syndrome. Some part of my body is constantly moving, twitching, shaking. Sometimes I will be sat “still” and my entire body will be vibrating.

It can be exciting, it feels like you are supercharged and unstoppable. It feels like being on a stimulant drug such as Cocaine or Amphetamine. However, being “high” like this all day causes me to be agitated and anxious. I talk incessantly, blurt things out, say totally inappropriate things because the “filter” that the Strattera gives me goes.

Those are the irritating parts but not the dangerous parts. The dangerous part is that I start WANTING danger. I start to search for any possible way to occupy my mind and give me pleasure. Anything that will stimulate me and excite me. I start craving alcohol, I start taking drugs, I start looking for sex, I start arguments, I start doing absolutely anything that will distract me from myself. I WANT the danger and I want the stimulation and I do anything to find it.

I got through this after a couple of months of insanity and then went to speak to a private therapist for the first time as I needed help and answers for some problems going on in my life. When I explained to her that I had been using recreational drugs from time to time she explained to me that it is not possible to give any sort of accurate evaluation until I had passed 3 months of sobriety – as a sober mind is a mind that is free from any sort of drug.

This made total sense and so I decided to stop absolutely everything that was mind altering in any way. I stopped having sex, I stopped taking any sort of drug, I stopped consuming caffeine, and then I even stopped consuming sugar by living off Huel (a vegan, organic, meal replacement shake), and then a diet almost 100% free of added sugars.

Quitting sugar and caffeine was absolute hell and made me realise how savagely addictive these substances are. The withdrawal symptoms are horrible and the depression that they cause is far worse than that of any other drug withdrawal I have experienced. Caffeine withdrawal for me lasted roughly a month and drinking caffeine was on my mind most of the time.

Trinity college
Trinity College, Dublin
A recent sober trip to Ireland – The land of drunkards

The whole point of this story is that by being as close to 100% sober as possible I was forced to see myself fully unmasked, without the added confidence and stimulation of caffeine, without the buzz of sugar, without the exciting thoughts from psychedelics, without the affection of sex. I was forced to experience life without any unnatural “buzz”.

I was faced head on with even more personal problems and insights into my personality and toxic behaviour traits. There was literally nowhere to run, and I found myself struggling to get out of bed as it was all too much.

What´s It Like To Be Sober

I was trying to stimulate myself in healthy ways, by going to creative events – poetry, comedy etc. and meeting new and interesting people. I was exercising, trying to get work done, and trying to be a normal human being. Sadly at the end of the day I was still miserable.

I was going through some family and relationship problems at the time as well and so this obviously didn’t help but I realise that I was, and have been for my whole life – DEPRESSED

When I realised this, it made total sense and seemed obvious as day. I had always thought I couldn’t be depressed because only depressed people get depressed. But obviously I was one of those depressed people.

Sane people don’t become addicts at the age of 12. This was actually something that my Therapist had to make me understand.

Depression and Sobriety

Depressed / people suffering with personality disorders / identity issues turn to drugs as an escape method. This of course does not mean that all people that take drugs have issues. Drugs are a wonderful pleasure of life so long as you use them responsibly. The tough part is using them responsibly.

The more troubled a person is, or the more toxic their environment the more likely they are to turn to drugs.

In my case these problems stemmed from the inability to control my brain and my thoughts. I have had major personality and identity issues my whole life and this has only started becoming clearer very recently through therapy.

On that cliff-hanger I will end the article. I have been writing more about my discoveries through therapy but that is for another day so stay tuned!

To read about my experience quitting drinking click here

If you have been having dental trouble read this interesting article about why ADHD can cause dental issues ADHD and dental issues

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Addiction ADHD Alcohol Drugs Guest Articles Mental Health Mind Society

Mind Your Business – The Silent Battle Of ADHD

Mind Your Business – The Silent Battle Being Fought Every Day

This is a guest article that a friend wanted to write for everyone to see.

Even though this battle has been making some noise for a few years now, it is still a relatively quiet one, and many of us are fighting it silently while often the people who love us the most doesn’t even know it’s going on, furthermore the very people who love us might even be making it harder for us without knowing,

By the title of this article you might have thought that I’m talking about the old lady who told your mum about that one time you came back home drunk at 3am and fell asleep on the porch, or the one who told your parents how you pierced your tongue and have been hiding it for months.

I mean yes old ladies, mind your own freaking business, but what I’m really talking about it’s not a battle against nosey grannies, I’m talking about a war to be more precise, one that it’s going on inside the mind of those of us who find it hard, or straight up impossible to set our attention to something in order to complete simple tasks – from the most mundane tasks, such as cleaning the room, to much more serious ones like studying for that one test that we needed to pass in order to get into that university (those of us who were able to make through high school, I mean).

Attention Deficit Disorder

At this point you might have heard of it, Attention “Deficit Disorder” with or without Hyperactivity, or ADD/ADHD, I will elaborate on why I quoted “deficit disorder” later on.

“Pay attention”, “what’s wrong with you”, “Can’t you just sit still?”, “You are so smart and you insist on sabotaging yourself”, “You’ve so much potential and you continue to waste it”, are some of the most common things people with ADD/ADHD have to grow up listening to for the most part of their childhood/adolescence and often all the way through our adult years.

They frequently come from people who genuinely care about us and only want the best for us, but as Jesus reportedly said while being tortured to death on the cross “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (I’m not religious, don’t run away)

Adhd Symptoms

 

Photo taken from Wikipedia

 

ADHD Struggles

They just don’t know, so they just can’t understand, not even ourselves can understand why we seem to struggle where other people seemingly thrive, so we’re called lazy, rebels or difficult, they think that we just don’t care, and we feel misunderstood, those feelings turn into frustration, and frustration turns into anger and anger turns into harmful habits… so many of us have a history of alcohol/drug abuse, anger management issues, volatility, sex addiction and so on.

Not to mention what it does to our self esteem when we are constantly compared to those who, with the same apparent tools and opportunities, seem to do it right.

There Is No Attention Deficit

The way we are doesn’t have to do with a deficit of attention or lack of focus, in fact we can focus much more than many, it’s just that we can have many more things in our head at once than most, we find it hard to focus solely on the book that we’re reading, when we also wonder the life expectancy of the fly on the window.

While people struggle with what to be interested in, we cannot be interested in anything that we’re not genuinely interested in, it’s not a choice, that’s an advantage and a disadvantage on its own, on the one hand when we like something, we know we really do, otherwise we wouldn´t pay attention to it.

ADHD and Thinking Outside The Box

We are terrific at thinking outside the box (in fact we very often didn’t even know there was a box to begin with), but on the other hand, this life requires us to complete things that are not always necessarily interesting, yet important for us to properly function within a society with rules and expectations.

Yes, I don’t know many people who enjoy doing their taxes or staying awake until 3am studying for that one test, but for some of us is borderline impossible to concentrate on that (and no, we can’t sit still).

We don’t suffer from a “disorder”, we just function differently in a world that’s definitely not made for us,

We need dynamism in order to thrive, we do impressively well when dealing with a bunch of things at once, we just have a hard time setting our mind to one that doesn’t absolutely fascinates us.

Evolution of ADHD

Maybe it is an evolutionary thing, we humans have increasingly come into contact with more and more information over the years and especially since the internet came into play, you can ask your parents or grandparents what did they do to entertain themselves in the past.

The most important things have always been there; nature, sports, each other’s company, there has been music, books, film and TV for a while, but right now… Shit man! We have all that multiplied by the billions, and we have it just a click away, it is available in our pockets at any given moment.

ADHD Juggling

 

To check out Roberto´s Instagram click here @rbsemtei

INFORMATION OVERLOAD

We have Tinder, Netflix, and Audio books, If you want to order food you have 20 apps on your smartphone with hundreds of options, you can learn how to build a computer or to tie a tie by watching a tutorial…

We’re overloaded with information and images and possibilities, is it really that crazy that some of us have difficulty to concentrate on one thing? Shouldn’t areas of society such as education adapt to the new human and to meet the requirements of those of us who can’t sit still also?

ADHD Medication

Medication can be incredibly helpful, but it’s important to note that for many of us, all that it takes is to know that we’re all different and unique, what works for you doesn’t have to work for me and vice versa, yet we insist in trying to fit all into a square box when in fact some of us are a circle, or a line, or my personal favourite, a spiral.

This article is intended for everyone, for the misfits so they know that they’re not alone and for everyone else who need to be a little more considerate and open to those who are different, because we all are. Even those of you who can sit still, yes, you’re also special in your own unique way.

I believe that if you take the time to get to know someone, you will inevitably end up finding out what makes them special.

“Everybody is a Genius. But If You Judge a Fish by Its Ability to Climb a Tree, It Will Live Its Whole Life Believing that It is Stupid”

                                   – Albert Einstein (maybe) –

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Coming Out Stories Lesbian LGBT Relationships Self Confidence Sexuality

For The Love Of Lesbian (Guest Article)

“For The Love Of Lesbian”

By Matilda Holman

Hi my name is Matilda, and I am a Lesbian. This isn’t how I normally introduce myself but for this blog I feel it’s appropriate. When I was younger the word lesbian always just sounded
bad, even after I had accepted myself as the pussy-licking, titty-loving LESBIAN that I am. 


My name is Matilda and I am a lesbian. When I first came out, I would always squirm at the word lesbian and for many people who have come out I see that they feel the same way I did.

Contrastingly the word gay doesn’t seem to have the same kind of uncomfortable, awkward feeling that Lesbian does. Lots of lesbians even if they are 100% comfortable with the fact that they, like me, are a exclusively pussy-licking, titty-loving L… Gay woman, they just can’t bring them selves to refer to themselves as a lesbian.


My name is Matilda, and I am a lesbian. In 2015 when I was about 21, I fell in love with my best friend (which is a whole other story in itself). I couldn’t have been surrounded with better people to support me through my coming out period.

I was living in Barcelona and had recently moved into a flat with 2 friends. Both who supported me tremendously and who ultimately are the people who made me feel comfortable with my sexuality.


My name is Matilda and I am a lesbian. We were best friends, two straight girls that spent every waking moment together. We were inseparable. Everyone in our life would call us lesbians.

My flatmates, everyday would say to me “When you are ready to accept yourself and tell us that you’re are a Lesbian. We are here.” That word, Lesbian, was just so difficult.

When I finally decided to stop driving my self crazy, going round and round in circles in my head about all the reasons was I wasn’t in love with (for the purpose of this blog post lets called her lady-L), I went to one of my flatmates who was snoozing on the couch, I cuddled in to her and whispered “I think I like Lady-L”.

I was immediately squeezed back, made to feel loved and accepted and encouraged to tell my other flatmate. However it was a lot longer after that that I became comfortable with calling myself a lesbian.


My name is Matilda and I am a lesbian. The next part of my life was a long hard couple months, my coming out period, that is also one long ass story with 100 other little stories inside of it, as I am sure every LGBT person´s coming out story is.

So once I was through that stage, I was out, I was comfortable with myself and I was happy holding lady-L’s hand as we walk down La Rambla, kissing her in public as I please and going everywhere as a couple, but still, that word made me feel so uncomfortable.


My name is Matilda and I am a lesbian. After watching me squirm every time the “L word” came up, one of the super hero’s of my story, my flatmates, said “You have obviously only ever heard the word lesbian used negatively and in your mind it only has a negative connotation – so whether you like it or not I am going to say it to you so often that it builds a new meaning in your mind.” For the next year all would hear is, “What are you lezzas up to today?”, “LESBIANSSSS, are you home?”, “Where’s the other lesbian?”, “You lesbos need anything from the shop?”, “I’m cooking dinner tonight, you lesbians in?”.


My names Matilda and I am a Lesbian. Now I know every misunderstood person loves a good happily every after story but unfortunately this one doesn’t end like that – we broke up. I got my heart broken, I grieved and when I came out the other side and could start looking at other people and decide what I like what I was into and what I wanted to identify as, I could proudly say:


My names is Matilda and I am a lesbian.


Now you are 26 times closer to building a positive connotion to the word lesbian, 27, and redefining it your mind in your mind.

To read more articles about Relationships follow this link

To read about the Assassination of an LGBT rights campaigner and Politician click here

To check out Matilda´s Instagram click here

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Communication Guest Articles Motivation Politics Society

Coronavirus in the UK : Keep Calm and Carry On Ignoring the Government

Guest article by Charlotte M

The other day I was speaking to someone who compared the UK’s refusal to abide by the rules of the Coronavirus pandemic in the UK to a naughty child in class. You know the one that won’t listen to the teacher and subsequently gets everyone held in at break time?

A pretty accurate comparison if you ask me. But my gosh, how embarrassing. Who knew staying at home and washing your hands could be so hard?

It’s thought by many that the Covid-19 case is as serious a global pandemic as the war. It’s also thought by many that this pandemic will cause a certain shift in the function of the world, even after it’s recovery. These beliefs alone are enough to shock you into action (one would hope anyway ey).

Granted, most people are now listening. But some still are not.

Coronavirus in the UK

Thus far, the UK in its entirety has received high-level emergency lockdown advice in order to reduce the spread of coronavirus cases. These come from the government and health officials as well as celebrities and many other influential bodies following suit; amplifying self-isolation, restricted reasons for leaving the house and social distancing.

We can’t help but pull our hair out wondering why the UK isn’t getting the message. Could it be because something as serious and life-altering as the coronavirus outbreak has never been experienced by this generation and the last?

Because we have gotten so comfortable with abiding by our own lifestyle rules? Because the people of this country are simply too ignorant to take notice and action for their local and wider community?

When the coronavirus first became a national emergency in China, the country swiftly went into lockdown. Likewise, places such as Ireland, Italy, Belgium, France, Spain and India brought in enforced measures to help reduce cases. Some strategies described as “brutal but effective”.

The people of these countries listened and followed what they were advised to do almost immediately. Acknowledging that whilst the virus may not be life-threatening for them personally, ignoring the measures advised by their government could be fatal to other members of the community.

So what does this say about the UK public and their value for the community; as we watch them still having picnics in the park? Still holding large gatherings? Still panic buying?

There’s something incredibly cringe-worthy about the term “panic buying”.

I think this is because, to me, it connotes pretty much every personality trait I can’t bear: selfish, narrow-minded, ignorant and entitled to name a few. Unfortunately, this panic-stricken reaction has proven to adopt a drastic case of the domino effect (I still don’t understand the toilet roll thing).

For some, it’s impulsive to respond to serious issues with humor. Hence why social media is constantly churning out content that makes jokes in relation to the virus and its consequential measures. From my personal experience, the ratio of serious to humorous coronavirus content across social media is pretty even (if not slightly leaning further towards humor as the majority).

Coronavirus in the uk
Photo by Brian Macgowan

Now I’m no Debbie Downer and a regular advocate for a snort-worthy meme. And similar people are likely to argue that diffusing the tension is necessary for the current circumstances; by reducing the negativity of the situation and “lightening the mood” for the good of the people. But when you really think about it… is lightening the mood, in this way, what we need when people aren’t listening to what needs to be done?

On the serious side, content has been circulating online displaying the elderly struggling to gather basic groceries, the sick unable to obtain the medicine they need. One particular video of a critical care nurse brought to tears after being faced with empty shelves following a 48-hour shift made me feel particularly ashamed.

Of course, it’s upsetting to see. But this is essentially the content we need to share more of on social if unprompted good-will alone won’t spark change in people’s actions. Coronavirus in the UK and the rest of the world is a pandemic that needs to be taken seriously.

If the severity hasn’t been made clear enough already through rising death rates and people under the age of 30 (with no underlying health conditions) contracting the virus and dying, it really makes you wonder how the minds of some people work.

The truth that the people of the UK need to grasp is that the “every man for themselves” and “It won’t happen to me” attitude is what will lead us to fall. The sooner we accept what needs to be done on a united front, the sooner this will end. Recovery starts with unity.

By Charlotte M

A big thank you to our first guest writer Charlotte!

If you would like to read a more positive outlook on Coronavirus in the UK then check the article below!

Click here to read another article about the positive side of the Coronavirus

If you would like to discuss anything that is written here then please get in contact via any of the methods below – or leave a comment on here to start a discussion. I love to hear feedback from everyone!

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Brazil Carnaval Communication Culture Global Politics Racism Relationships Society Travel

Political Correctness Gone Mad

I recently read an article which infuriated me to the core, called “How to Be a White Ally to People of Colour” and it summarises a whole collective of articles with a similar theme, (a lot of these seem to be released by Vice). It was a list of 100 things that White people should and should not do. Political correctness has gone mad and it is ruining the world.

It is a topic which I have been mulling over and debating for a long time now, but I think it is time that we wake up and fight back against “Censorship” and “Political Correctness” and start using our heads and common sense – in order to move forward as an true egalitarian society.

The breakdown of barriers between races and religions, the advancement of LGBT people – and total SOCIAL EVOLUTION – cannot freely develop and flourish whilst people insist on categorising and dividing us into Races, Sexualities, Genders etc.

We are all part of the HUMAN RACE, and creating rules whereby only race/culture/sexuality A can do/say something and other people are not allowed to take part in this keeps us divided and our growth stunted.

(Link to the article at the bottom of this article)

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Aspergers Lucid Dreaming Mental Health Mind Philosophy TQFW Blog

#17 Lucid Dreaming To Solve Your Problems

This past month has been completely and utterly overwhelming. Both physically mentally and spiritually. Through therapy and lucid dreaming I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulder and at the age of 26, I have finally turned from a child to a man.

I had been repressing emotions, trauma and total confusion for all my life. I had always been searching for the missing piece which I had always known but always denied.

Through therapy and an almost bewilderingly perfect chain of events that I can only describe as destiny, I have been referred to a specialist center to start a 7 stage diagnosis for Autism Spectrum Disorder / Asperger’s Syndrome. Whatever outcome I get from these sessions I will be happy to get some answers that I have always been searching for.

Autistic spectrum Syndrome
One way of representing the “spectrum” that we all fall upon.

All my life people have told me to stop searching, to stop probing, to just accept who I am -to accept that I am different. I love being different but living life without an identity is horrible.

Feeling like a stranger in your own country, amongst your own friends and then in every country you visit, is a horrible and lonely feeling. Not knowing yourself means that no one can really know you.

This depression has finally been lifted and bit by bit I have started to regain some of my childhood memories, which had been hidden in my subconscious for all this time.

Lucid Dreaming

When I was little, I used to lucid dream* all the time and I used to enter into my dreams all the time and control them and search for answers. I could go on little quests and adventures and find answers for things I didn’t understand.

*A lucid dream is a dream in which you realise you are dreaming and are able to control and manipulate your dreams. They can be amazing but can also be horrific lucid nightmares

This all stopped when I started drinking around the age of 11/12. For the next 15 years, these dreams only happened to me in the form of nightmares or sleep paralysis due to drug or alcohol withdrawal.

Now for the first time in 15 years, I have started to lucid dream again. I have been using these dreams to discover new things about myself, to ask questions, to find answers, and to search within my soul.

Lucid Dreams

4 pills – My First Lucid Dream

It was a game where people were given a bag of 4 pills:

  • One makes you super smart
  • One makes you super horny
  • One makes you super-efficient
  • And one makes you want to kill yourself

The game was only supposed to last 24 hours, but the pills never wore off.

Everyone was hunted by an army of people and their powers are almost magical they had visions.

Everyone ended up going crazy and then more and more pills start appearing and even though people see the devastating effects they can’t stop taking them

All the people in the dream ended up killing themselves through their actions

The world was chaos

As I started to analyse the dream as it was happening I realised that it was a manifestation of the world we live in. Everyone was fiendishly grabbing and taking things which they knew were killing them. Noone seemed to care about the consequences of their actions.

During the dream, I started lucidly recording my voice on my phone as I entered in and out of the madness and went on to give a speech about capitalism and its flaws.

I realized that greed is the root of all evil and capitalism is the root of all greed.

I will upload the full recording and transcript of it elsewhere.

Lucid Dream #2 – The Ceremony

The next lucid dream involved my family and all my friends and family members that I know. Everybody was taking some sort of substance that was opening their mind and each person was going through a journey of self-discovery. I was witnessing through each person’s eyes their journey of self-discovery in a sort of Ayahuasca-esque ceremony.

One by one I started to unravel and understand the problems of each person that I know and love. I felt anger, guilt, hurt, shame, happiness, sadness, regret – but most importantly forgiveness.

Self Forgiveness

This was my brains’ way of processing my journey of self-forgiveness and forgiving those to whom I have done damage. I am not sure how long this process lasted, I’m not sure what parts I was awake for what part I was asleep but I ended up with a nearly 20,000 words document detailing all of my problems in detail as well as those of every member of my family and the people I love.

I had released all my thoughts my worries my fears my reasoning and my logic onto paper and I had said all the things I needed to say.

There was no need for me to tell all these people the things that I had written, there was no need to cause pain to the people I love. Writing this was my way of releasing myself from my past.

Another day passed and then I had another lucid dream in which I saw my grandfather who died roughly 10 years ago.

Saying Goodbye and Moving On

I never got a chance to say goodbye to him as he died suddenly, and I don’t even remember his funeral. I was 16 and I have no memory of his funeral. I wasn’t even aware that this was eating me up inside but through this dream, I was able to give him a hug and say goodbye to him before watching him shrivel up and die.

I knew I was dreaming but my brain was giving me the opportunity to say goodbye once and for all. For someone who hasn’t dreamed properly for over half their life, this experience was incredibly profound.

#3 Writing Poetry in a Lucid Dream

In the next lucid dream, I saw a childhood friend who I haven’t seen for over 15 years. Whilst dreaming I wrote a poem and this friend spoke the poem out loud to me. I had my phone by my head and so I lucidly recorded my voice as I spoke the poem and in the dream, she recited it to me.

I then went on to record an 18-minute mantra which will be the mantra for the Quest for Wisdom. The philosophy behind which I will carry out all my actions. When I woke up, I was incredibly confused. I wasn’t sure what was real and what was not, I wasn’t sure if I was insane. I vaguely remembered recording some audios.

Lucid Dreaming or Going Crazy

I was scared as I went to listen to them. I didn’t know exactly what they were going to say. If it was a rambling bunch of non-sensical words I would have to believe that I was crazy and that there was something wrong with me. Luckily everything I had recorded was logical and made perfect sense to me. The poem I had created was in perfect rhyme and very profound.

I wasn’t sure whether to share this process or not with people. But it seems that at some stage in their life a lot of people must pass through this process of forgiveness and maturing from child to adult.

I have always known that age is irrelevant, but I realised that in order to mature from a teenager to an adult you must face all your problems head-on, accept them, work on them, apologise if necessary and then finally forgive yourself for your past.  

Everybody has regrets from the past, or feels shame for some of their actions. Some people wish they had tried harder in school, some people aren´t happy with their life and blame their pasts or their family.

I seem to be around a lot of people that are going through this process and it’s a confusing and horrible time. It makes you feel hopeless, lost and misunderstood.

Forgive Yourself for Your Past

You need to accept yourself for who and what you are, ask forgiveness for any damage you have done to yourself or others, and start to work through any personality traits you have which are damaging.

If you do not go through this process, then you will never grow up. You will remain childish and self-centered until the moment you decide to solve your personal issues.

I always had a fear of being part of the 27 club, but now I know that I am guilt-free and have a clear conscience there is no reason for this to ever happen.

I can now move on with my life, happy and content, and free from guilt and shame. The things that have always held me back.

People say you can´t change the world.

Well, I say WHY NOT?

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To read an article about Aphantasia and my inability to visualise mental images click here

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Aspergers Bipolar Borderline Personality Disorder Communication Friendship Mental Health Mind Therapy TQFW Blog Treatment Wellness

Coming Out With Aspergers

Written on 03.03.20

All of my life people have told me I was different, I was
unique, that they felt like they knew me before having met me but this weekend
was the final piece to the missing puzzle which has been sending me wild for 26
years.

26 years and to the day to be exact. When I was younger, I read that a man reaches his optimum peak both mentally and physically at the age of 26 and so that’s what I decided to try and do.

I decided when I was about 10 that I would sort my life and problems, mess around having as much fun as possible, and then be married and with kids at 26 – but luckily this changed.

Everything that happens in my life is very specifically planned
– I want something and I obtain it, and to me there is nothing in-between. The
steps to get there are just simple steps to follow.

Emotional Development

I went to an emotional development group recently and we had to describe ourselves using the phrase “I feel like….” and mine was “I feel like a robot”. And it’s really how I feel and how I am happy feeling. I feel like a computer that is devoid of anything unlearned.

I completely lack empathy unless I have personally experienced the situation. I struggle to imagine how I would feel about something, and I struggle to imagine how my words and actions will make people feel – unless I use a process of logic or someone explains it to me.

This makes things easy to accomplish. I set a goal and I do what needs to be done to achieve that goal and its as simple as that. My life is robotically set between different stages of obsessions that I will DO at 100% until I learn everything I need to know about that skill or interest.

I LOVE LEARNING

Through putting myself in the most uncomfortable and weirdest situations possible all my life I have learned a great deal about human emotions and the incredible limits of the brain and will power, but I don’t feel or experience them in the same way as a “neurotypical” person – and I know that.

I understand that people feel emotions and that certain things affect them in certain ways, but unless there is logic involved then I am completely lost.

Aspergers Symptoms

Like a computer I run with numbers and logic and for this reason I have no filter and often end up hurting people’s feelings by saying things in a brutally honest way, but with the kindest intentions.

Why would someone not want to be told the honest truth about their flaws?

I beg my friends to tell me when I’m doing something wrong
because I simply don’t understand. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt
anyone that isn’t a bad person. I realised that people try and avoid the truth
sometimes because it is too painful to accept and so people would rather just
deny it.

Cutting Relationship Ties

Aspergers

I have cut a lot of relationship ties recently that cause me mental damage because I do not receive the same undying love and loyalty that I would give to anyone that I trust and respect.

But I have come to understand now that people aren’t perfect, and I have to stop loathing other people, and most importantly MYSELF, for imperfections. No-one is perfect and we all make mistakes continuously.

There is nothing wrong with making a mistake and learning from it.

Feeling Betrayed

Sometimes people make mistakes, they betray people and then feel awful about it, but I had never been able to truly grasp this concept of betrayal. To me it is the most painful and sickening thing that someone can do. However, I came to realise that people don’t often realise that they are betraying someone in such a horrible way – and the damage they have caused.

My life is black and white you either do something or you don’t, you love someone or you don’t, you want something or you don’t, something is either on or off (0 or 1 in Binary Code). But not all people don’t work like that and people have been trying to explain this to me for years.

I tried to summarise this in a sentence that would make
sense to me and I came up with the sentence below which helped me to understand
what people meant.

Life is black and white, but the grey makes us human.

Through a close “spectrum” friend of mine – who I haven’t
actually known for very long but feel like 
I have known forever – I have learned through observing him that we
share all of the same strange behaviour traits. We operate in exactly the same
way.

We can communicate things to each other almost
telepathically that make absolutely no sense to anyone else. We portray what to
other people is perceived as extreme confidence and charisma but what is really
on the inside total fear and confusion.

Last month I was pre-diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome and referred to the Aspergers unit at Vall D’Hebron in Barcelona for a 7 stage full evaluation which will cover the Autistic Spectrum Disorders, Depression, Bipolar, Borderline Personality Disorder and various other disorders.

The Aspergers diagnosis to me is not important – and Borderline Personality Disorder is what has been mentioned to me, and the disorder with symptoms that I am increasingly experiencing as I mature. I spent my life hopping through period of extreme happiness and extreme depression (manic behaviour), as well as a whole host of other dangerous and toxic behaviours.

Every time something good happens to me I instantly sabotage it because I am addicted to being in pain. Its what feels most comfortable and natural to me.

Aspergers Diagnosis

Whilst the Aspergers diagnosis isnt important to me, what I care about is finding the right person to work with afterwards to help me develop emotionally and learn to communicate better.

Aspergers, Borderline Personality, Bipolar – whatever the label put on my personality disorder doesn´t concern me I just need help and a lot of it.

Now I understand why I spent my life happily living in my
own bubble drinking and drugging myself to the eyeballs unable to cope with a
world that was too intense and incomprehensible to me.

I understand a lot about so many weird and abstract things –
like how cultures intertwine and the subtleties of the grammar of foreign
languages – but the simplest and most obvious day to day things that are right
in front of my face don’t even exist.

What is obvious to some people is extremely complex to others and vice versa.

I also do not know how much of my lack of visual memory has to do with these disorders, or trauma or anything but I am excited to work through it and improve this aspect of my brain.

Read about my experiences with Aphantasia here

Coming Out With Aspergers

In bed checking myself out with my friends Stethoscope

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We Are All Selfish – Embrace Your Narcissism

Recently I have been constantly self-analysing and beating myself up with the thought and realisation that I am in fact selfish.

Merriam-Webster defines Selfish as “To be concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself: seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others”.

This sounds great as we all think, “well I think about the well-being of others all the time, I can’t be selfish?” But what if you only care about how others are affected, or how your actions towards others are perceived because it directly impacts you each time?

#selfish

To be selfish or narcissistic is one of the worst outward “traits” that a human can have, but as I started to think through this concept, and discuss my concerns with my Psychologist, I began to realise that we are in fact all selfish and in this game of life for ourselves.

I started to wonder why this was, what causes us to WANT to survive, to be the best, and to selfishly desire to have children for our own benefit.

Survival of The Fittest

I began thinking deeply about Evolution, Genetics, and the, “Survival of the Fittest”, theory, when I was away in Brazil and it fascinates me to think of us as animals first, conscious beings second. I now view my own actions, the actions of others, group mentality, and the classic traits and emotions of humans as mere products of our animalistic instincts driven by a desire to win.

Pondering the ways in which humans are selfish led me to consider the fundamental differences between the sexes. I focused on the biological differences between males and females, and became convinced that biologically both sexes are selfish – but for different reasons. I realised that selfishness and competitiveness were two very similar traits, and almost always go hand in hand.

Nowadays there is a lot of talk about how Sex and Gender mean nothing and are not representative of a person’s characteristics, but I feel that this simply is not true.

Of course I absolutely love the fact that nowadays people start to question their gender and question everything that society has taught them about Gender Roles and their sexuality – and view it not as a monochromatic hetero / homo sexual classification – but as part of a spectrum.

I believe that nothing in life is a simple yes/no and our entire personalities lay dotted on various spectrum. I want, actually, I urge people to question absolutely everything that they experience.

Biological Differences Between Males and Females

However, we cannot ignore the biological and evolutionary differences between males and females, neither should we be trying to minimise the differences. We should embrace the differences between the two sexes, and learn how to better understand the differences in the functions of the brains and bodies.

Equality does not mean that we are equal psychologically and physiologically, it means that we are equally capable of pursuing the same goal when given the right opportunity.

Males and females have evolved with the same fundamental selfishness and competitiveness. What differs are the end motives and methods of achieving this. In the vast majority of communities and societies all over the world, males have evolved to be, “dominant”.*

We know that males are not more intelligent than women, we know that they are not more resilient, we know that they are not less prone to catching illnesses, we know they are not fitter, i.e we know that there is no physical reason that males should be dominant.

*There are examples of some tribes that still exist today with a Matriarchicical society, and throughout history, there have been various examples, however, these are few and far between.

Mosuo Tribe China
The Mosuo tribe are an ancient matriarchal community of Tibetan Buddhists who to this day live in a female- dominated society.

In fact, even back in the days of hunter-gatherers, and when humans were more reliant on hunting and fending for survival, physical size would not have been an obvious advantage. The aforementioned traits of fitness, resistance to illness, ability to survive without food for longer periods of time (metabolism), as well as intelligence and the ability to recognise and avoid danger,  are far more genetically beneficial traits.

This got me to thinking that yes males are physically bigger than women, but as far as I can see this has nothing to do with their comparative success – or the dominance of powerful positions in society.

“Learned” people, (since as far back as records go), tend not to do manual work – and so we can assume that physical size has nothing to do with success. Mathematicians, scientists, scholars, politicians, (the traditionally powerful positions), were almost always occupied by men and this has continued to the present day. None of these jobs have anything to do with physical size.

As we have ruled out physical size as the differentiating factor, (and the factor that is often quoted as the reason for inequality or to undermine women), we are left with the only other obvious difference which is that women bear children, and biologically and evolutionarily WANT to have children.

Female Selfishness

Females have evolved as intrinsically competitive and selfish because of their biological desire to be impregnated and have children. I believe this is an animal instinct that, (the majority), are born with. As females have, (historically), had less of a platform to defend themselves openly, have had less confrontational careers, and have spent less time dealing with external conflicts, (those outside of family conflicts and conflicts that arise from raising children), they have evolved to be more calculating and less confrontational.

This is why females are often accused of being more, “bitchy”, “backstabbing”, “cold”, and “emotionally manipulative” than men. Females have evolved to try and eliminate the competition around them in a more subtle way than males.

Females have evolved as fiercely competitive as their options have always been limited. There are fewer opportunities for “success” for females, whether this be the success of bearing a child, or now in more modern times, the success of a fulfilling life and career. They have a limited amount of time to bear children – and thus protect themselves and their genealogy, as well as limited career opportunities in most countries.    

Male Selfishness 

Males, on the other hand, are also intrinsically selfish and competitive but have evolved with different methods for achieving success.

Males have historically done most of the fighting in wars and occupied most of the conflict – resolving positions, such as politicians and military personnel, etc.

Because of this, males – on the whole – prefer to resolve conflicts face to face and use, “brute force”, either physical or verbal.

The male hormone testosterone causes males to seek partners and affects emotions such as anger and rage. Males are on the search for power so that they can have their choice of females and they must eliminate competition in order to achieve this.

Females are biologically and subliminally on the hunt for males with power and/or stability in order to protect themselves and be able to procreate and provide their children with the best chance for survival. As our societal concepts of power and gender roles begin to change, more people are now opting for, “non-traditional”, relationship, such as younger males within the relationship, more “powerful” women, and even polyamorous relationships, (which I will discuss in a separate article).

Eliminating Competition

What I am trying to get at here is that intrinsically, before we even begin to analyse specific situations, we begin to realise that we have evolved to be selfish, in order to eliminate competition in the most efficient way possible.

The train of logic is this: the more selfish you are, the more you are willing to eliminate competition and this results in higher levels of success. Narcissistic tendencies can be seen when looking at almost any powerful figure, past or present. There are of course exceptions to this, as with any rule, but take a moment to think of the most successful people you know and their attitudes in life.

How have they achieved power if not inherited? I argue that even the world’s greatest philanthropists do so for self-gratification, and to give themselves a fulfilling and meaningful life. This point reminded me of the Friends episode discussing this topic:

In our modern societies these concepts of females just being child-bearers and males being the, “bread-winners”, (i.e those that provide for their families), is slowly but surely ebbing away. I think it is fantastic that people nowadays are more conscious of what they truly want, and are beginning to push the boundaries and limits imposed by society. However, whilst the mindset of the people is changing, the genetic information stored within, and the intrinsic human desires and needs have not changed.

Helping People Is Selfish

I began to feel exasperated because although I want to do good and I want to help people, I couldn’t release the guilt I felt about just doing things to satisfy my own desires. I now inadvertently have become somewhat of a life-coach to people, and I receive messages almost every day from people asking for advice. I love to help people, I love to offer advice and share my experiences with anyone that will listen, BUT, this within itself is selfish.

selfish blogging

I want to help people because it makes me feel good inside. If it didn’t make me feel happy and wanted, would I want to help people so much? This caused me many weeks of torment as I battled mentally with this realisation. I felt like my whole life was a lie, and that I couldn’t be a good person because I was just gratifying myself in the form of helping others.

As I began to rationalise this I realised that ALTRUISM DOES NOT EXIST. I could not come up with a single example of true altruism. I realised that everybody that does nice things does so for some benefit to themselves: self-gratification, the advancement of a career, to demonstrate how “good” they are, to attract a partner, etc.

True Altruism Does Not Exist

True altruism does not, and cannot exist. The closest example I could come up with was a fathers love and desire to care for his child. The connection between a mother and a child is the strongest connection in the world but this is something that is physical as well as mental, and something incomparable. A mother’s love for her child cannot be called altruistic, because that child was and is part of her physically – thus it is just protection of what is hers.

true altruism

A Fathers love for a child is something less natural, as males can impregnate multiple females within a short period of time, and can continue to do so their whole lives.

The father can never carry the child inside of him, never has any physical/hormonal changes to his body, never breastfeeds, etc. and so the love and desire to care for the child grows more organically .

However, my bubble was burst when I realised that intrinsically – and subliminally – a Father views a child as something which will care for him when he is older, or continue his genealogy.      

I am not a father – or an expert on this matter – but thinking of it objectively and thinking of us as animals at a base level this makes perfect sense. The love of a child can be attributed to the survival, protection, and reproduction of the genes of the parents – thus it is selfish.

We Are All Selfish

I reached the conclusion that I am, and we are all selfish! I found solace when I reached this conclusion because I no longer felt guilty for wanting to help people. We may all be selfish and in this game of life for ourselves, but we can try to make life better for others whilst we follow our own path. Our selfishness can be used positively, and also minimised when needed.

I am sorry for this long article, and the tangents which it follows but it was something that was driving me crazy and I wanted to write about it and share my conclusions.

Get In Contact With Me!

Please never feel shy or embarrassed to get in contact with me through any of the methods below.

I love hearing back from people, I love to hear criticisms and new ideas and I love to hear people´s opinions.

All feedback helps me to improve and create better content!

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Taken in the Barrio Gótico in Barcelona

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To read another article about how Political Correctness and Social Media Warriors are crushing the ability to integrate as a society click the link below:

Dear Social Justice Warriors – Please Stop Telling People What They Can and Can´t Say

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Aspergers Astrology Culture Philosophy Society

Coronavirus – The Dawning Of A New Age

Coronavirus and The Dawning of a New Age

The Age of Aquarius represents the merging of spirituality and science. A time where religion and science can come together to create medical innovations and technology to help humanity.

I don´t know almost anything about Astrology but I thought it was an interesting quote regardless of whether you believe or not. (Bracha Goldsmith)

I wanted to divulge a new, somewhat more positive message and perspective, on the Coronavirus pandemic.

I have had this weird feeling inside of me that something was coming in April, that I HAD to wait until April before trying to launch my projects.

BUT WHY APRIL?

Everyone in my network of friends and peers everyone has been speaking of Destiny this year, that 2020 is THE year. The energy and the mindset of people around me seems to have changed from the miserable and hopeless outlook that I felt last year in 2019 – as the decade came to an end – to the more positive and spiritual mindset that people seem to have encompassed.

Since I arrived back from Brazil in August 2019, I had the idea that I would give myself 8 months – until APRIL – to explore myself, enjoy Barcelona, and most importantly decide what to do with my life.

AND WHY APRIL?

Tensions have been rising around the world with intercontinental cold-war threats, the refugee crisis that seems to be somewhat ignored, and general unhappiness. But at the same time, I see that all around me people are bubbling with creativity and energy and just waiting for something to explode.

After reading the bible as a kid, I decided that I didn’t believe in a god – at least not the god described in the bible or the other similar texts. I decided that a perfect god would not have made such an imperfect, illogical book filled with contradictions.

coronavirus and the dawning of a new age

I did then start to believe in humanity and the power of our subconsciousness and our instincts. The human subconsciousness and human animal instincts are by far the most underrated weapon in the global arsenal.

Throughout my life I have broken mostly every rule that I have been faced with. I have broken the law repeatedly; I have always tried to push the boundaries and test my mental and physical limits. This is because I have always followed my instincts and done what I think is the (morally) right thing to do. Every risk I have taken I have always analysed, accepted and sometimes suffered the consequences.

In my case these consequences have mainly been mental, and my mental health has taken a severe beating my whole life for my decisions but I stand by them – because I have good intentions.

The point I am trying to make here is that when we fight against our instincts we make errors. When we stick with something that we know deep down is wrong we suffer. Be this a relationship, a career, a hobby or anything else in life.

We are born with killer instincts and we must not ignore these.

We are born to survive.

The society or culture in which we grow up in can either help or numb and discourage these survival instincts.

Recently I was asked by a good friend if I thought that humans were still evolving… I had thought about this topic before and so I responded by saying that I believe that technology is evolving but humans are devolving……

Survival of the fittest no longer exists because the weak CAN survive due to advances in medicine. Illnesses CAN be cured, disabilities CAN be cured, lifespans CAN be extended.

This means that humanity is physically DEVOLVING. It is losing this natural killer instinct – the ability to survive.

HOWEVER

Modern medicine means that the most important part of any body – the brain – is often able to survive, and people can reproduce even in a “weak” body.  

So, humanity is left with rapidly increasing brainpower and less human skills. In the ultra-capitalist countries people are trained to be robots, slaves to the system, cogs in the wheel.

In the more relaxed liberal countries people develop with the desire to make a change but they lack the drive and necessity that capitalism chokes you with, but there is yet to be a balance between the two.

More and more of our natural humanistic traits are ebbed away as we become logicians and move one step closer to the new generation.

AND THIS IS WHERE APRIL COMES IN

April is when the world starts to implement the new 5g internet that has been long awaited.

Now I know this may not seem like a big deal because everybody is happy with the internet right?

WRONG

The new 5g internet is the dawning of the new age. Autonomous cars will take over, people will be able to not just video call but hologram call. Huge amounts of data will be able to be transferred worldwide almost instantly.

coronavirus and the dawning of a new age
Photo By Josh Hild

This paves the way for the new internet of things. Every new appliance will be connected to the internet and it will grow and grow at a terrifyingly quick rate. People will have to accept that technology is better than them and that they must humbly step aside as robots take their place.

We will all be connected to the cloud or the “internet” and we will all be nodes of this network. We will be able to operate hyper-efficiently because all exchange of information will be seamless.

It is very strange because I wrote some predictions in my journal about 9 months ago about this topic and the evolution of humans. I wrote that soon we would all be connected to a cloud or Oracle and we would become the internet of things.

I also predicted that there would be a separatist movement of anarchists who wanted to separate themselves from this total submission of our privacy and go “off the grid”.

If all this goes as planned then it does however mean that humans can go back to being humans, with human interactions, less stress, more efficiency and more importantly more TIME.

The Positive Side of Coronavirus

So this brings it back to the Coronavirus… the Coronavirus, whether man made or not (depending on who you believe), serves a purpose and does actually have some positive elements.

For starters a lot of people have time off work or school – or the ability to work from home. This gives people the chance to spend more time with family, time to earn some extra cash, time to start that tai-chi course they saw on Youtube and time to gather their thoughts before the boom that is going to happen once the virus is under control.

People are having to learn to socialise and re-connect with friends via new applications like House Party. There are brain training games and challenges flying around social media, causing people to start learning to pass the time with healthy and productive games.

the dawning of a new era
Find the 27 figures of speech

Take all the positives out of a very negative, stressful and worrying situation that you possibly can, and good things will come. Its going to be a weird few months as we battle the Coronavirus but 2020 is the year where science and spirituality aka the cultures / religions combine.

I think that everyone could sense that something big was coming – WELL THIS IS IT

You can contact me Via:

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Become a Patron

This blog and other related projects such as the upcoming Podcast and Youtube Channel are now my full time job and they require a lot of time and money.

If you like my content and would like to help me to keep creating more then I would be so grateful for any donations through my Patreon account

Conor
Instagram @TheQuestForWisdom

To read a guest article about Coronavirus in the UK click here

To read another article based on society check out my article on Political Correctness Gone Mad

Categories
ADHD Aphantasia Creativity Drugs Mental Health Mind TQFW Blog

#16 Aphantasia and The Fight For Imagination

There is nothing in this world that excites me more than the human body – and more specifically the brain. Everything that we think, see, and do is powered by our own unique brain. One person’s blue is another person’s green, a piece of art to some people conjures up powerful imagery and emotions and to other people – such as those with Aphantasia and no imagination – it is just paint on a canvas.

If you haven´t already read my previous article on Aphantasia then click here Aphantasia and My Inability to Visualise Mental Images

This article was written on the 14.02.20 but not published until later

The Loneliness of Aphantasia

My recent discovery about my inability to visualise and to recall memories in first person has led me down a rabbit hole of fantastical differences between us all. I was quite frankly very upset and felt even more lonely than usual when I found out that I have no visual imagination.

I started to investigate this and as I spoke with more and more people, I started to feel worse rather than better. It seemed totally unfair to me that people had this magical world inside their head to which they could escape and be happy. Where do I have to go when I am feeling down? There is no escape, no happy place, no safe haven.

Aphantasia and Hallucinating

The bizarre thing is that when I take hallucinogenic drugs such as ketamine or psychedelic drugs such as Magic Mushrooms or DMT I CAN visualise and imagine with my eyes closed or open. I put this to the test recently by taking MDMA and Ketamine together, which can produce very strong closed eye hallucinations and lo and behold I was able to imagine.

It’s as if it unlocks the capacity, or more likely unblocks something which is stopping me from being able to imagine. I have been discussing with friends how they imagine, and how vivid their imaginations are, and I realised that it is as vivid as you can make it. Even with the use of drugs, I don’t think my imagination/hallucinations are as strong as other people, but this makes perfect sense as I have never, “practised”, before.

Brain Training and Practising Imagining

I have been doing brain training each day with an app called Luminosity

(not paid sponsorship)

It really blows my mind and I have been trying to do imagine things at every opportunity. A few times I have had changes in the pitch black, and what I can only describe as some sort of shadow movements.

I had my eyes closed and it was black as always and then I started seeing different shades of dark as if I was looking at a dark lake. There were little black dots darting around as if they were fish jumping rapidly from the lake. There was no detail whatsoever and it was all completely dark, but it was SOMETHING.

The speed at which everything was moving made me start to think that maybe my inability to visualise is my brains coping mechanism. I think that I didn’t have any time or mental space for any imagery before I was medicated, and I honestly think I would have been mentally disabled if I saw things as well.

Aphantasia Dreams
Photo by Nandhu Kumar

ADHD and Aphantasia

Having a constant stream of information passing rapidly through my head due to my ADHD, coupled with images would have sent me crazy for sure. I feel like I really have to fight to keep my sanity and sometimes it is tempting to just let go.

If my brain has the capacity to form mental images and dream it means that it is not, “broken”, but that it must be something psychological that is holding me back. I have always felt like something was, “missing”, and not quite right. One of my reasons for wanting to do Ayahuasca in Brazil was to discover this and, “unlock”, the part of my brain that I felt was missing.

Unfortunately, due to my ADHD medication (Strattera – Atomoxetine), I wasn’t able to take Ayahuasca when I was in the jungle but as soon as I am able to I will make another journey to the Amazon to take it.

Aphantasia Shaped My Personality

As I started to ruminate this more I realised that this inability to visualise and imagine situations has likely shaped a huge part of my personality, and what I lack in this visual aspect of imagination I make up for in other skills.

I started to scold myself for not being grateful for what I have when there are people who really do suffer from debilitating pathologies yet make the best of their lives.

I asked my mother what I used to do as a child – what I used to play with. I don’t remember ever playing with toys as I didn’t understand what to do with them. I didn’t tend to draw or make things as I was terrible at it. She told me that I didn’t really play with anything, I couldn’t sit still long enough to do anything.

Everything in our life such as our preferences, skills and emotions fall on part of a spectrum. We are all a sliding scale of different traits which form our personality.

Searching for the Cure

Something I have noticed from talking with people that contact me through the blog is that most if not all of us seem to be on the search for a “cure”. We are on a constant search to categorise ourselves and diagnose ourselves with different Disorders.

Now I don’t know whether this is to gain a sense of belonging within a community of, “misfits”, or if it is simply the desire to be right about the labels we put on ourselves.   

My Psychiatrist has referred me to an ADHD specialist centre and so I am awaiting contact from the centre to have a more extensive study done. I am very excited about this because I will be able to speak with experts about my theories and the various questions that I have.

I am also on the waiting list to start an Emotional Development course to try and learn how to understand and manage emotions that are hitting me like a ton of bricks after years of completely avoiding all emotions.

I have also started with a second therapist and am planning to see a Neurologist to see if there is any Neurological reason for my lack of imagination and ADHD.

Cosmo Caixa Science Museum In Barcelona (Feb 2020)

The Future Looks Bright

I am positive about what the future has in store for my mental health, and I hope that I can encourage people to start to dig into themselves and start to search for the roots of their problems – and more importantly the solutions.

From March I will start recording my Podcast and Youtube channel so it will be much easier to follow my journey and keep up to date with what I learn. I hope to always keep it interesting and fresh.

I have 3 documentaries and some really interesting videos that I am almost ready to upload to Youtube so stay tuned!

If anyone has any questions or anything they would like to know or like me to investigate then please let me know and I would be happy to answer.

Contact Me

You can contact me Via:

Facebook

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The Quest For Wisdom Youtube Channel

Conorsquestforwisdom@gmail.com

Or by leaving a comment on here.

Support My Work!

Become a Patron

This blog and other related projects such as the upcoming Podcast and Youtube Channel are now my full time job and they require a lot of time and money.

If you like my content and would like to help me to keep creating more then I would be so grateful for any donations through my Patreon account

Conor