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Depression Education Mental Health Mind Obsession Treatment Wellness

Letting Go of Control


“We are the creators of our own reality” is phrase that appears more and more as people turn to various esoteric and more widely known spiritual practices in order to let go of control and free the mind.

Practices such as meditation, mindfulness and manifestation, once reserved only for those who had the time, money and will to travel to the far East and learn from a master, have now hit the west with a bang and people are turning to these wonderful practices to try and connect with themselves and solve their issues with power of the mind.

The need to launch ourselves head first into these practices often stems from mental health problems and the desire to take control of our brains. The problem is that we are so used to trying to control every aspect of our lives that quite often we miss the point of these exercises – to let go of control.

Many of us try to traverse our way through life at the helm of a steam barge with very little stopping power or manoeuvrability.

We try to control our jobs, our relationships, our free time – worrying about what we are doing and sabotaging good things that come to us. We try to force ourselves to live in a certain way, thinking, dressing, talking like others to try and maintain this sense of identity and belonging.

Many people feel trapped. Trapped in a location they are bored of, trapped in a job they don’t like or trapped in a relationship that is failing to make them feel free. It is this false sense of being trapped by external circumstances that cause so many people to exhibit the aptly named escapist behaviours.

Escapist Behaviours

Escapist behaviours are often used to distract from painful thoughts and emotions in life, and are often exhibited by people suffering with anxiety, depression and or low self esteem. Escapism can also be a method of blocking out or distracting from painful experiences or current traumas.

Examples of toxic escapist behaviours include:

  • Over/under eating
  • Extreme promiscuity
  • Sex/masturbation addiction
  • Excessive use of Drugs/alcohol
  • Video games addiction
  • Strong desire to abandon your job, relationship, home, (of course there are many circumstances where it would be wise to abandon one of these things)
  • Excessive exercise
  • Excessive working
  • Most obsessions

If you notice a change in any of these behaviours it is important to stop and ask yourself why.

Letting go of control
Banksy´s “Snorting copper” taken at a Banksy exposition in Espacio Trafalgar – Barcelona

Feeling Like You Are Losing Control


The sense of losing control causes people to panic and start trying to manipulate their situation. When the mind slips and we start to experience stress, panic, anxiety we desperately try to grab the reigns and try and steer our lives in the direction we think they should head.

Counter-intuitively it is in these exact moments where letting go of control is most crucial. When we start to notice ourselves having irrational thoughts, impulses to act and make drastic decisions, or the desire to suddenly abandon or undertake a new project, we need to stop, breathe, do nothing, and spend some time alone with our thoughts.

Of course this does not mean that making big decisions or changing plans for a project is a bad thing, it simply means we must understand the roots of the decisions for change.

Ask Yourself

Is the desire to change rooted in:

  • Fear
  • Anxiety
  • Doubt
  • Stress
  • Anger
  • Hatred
  • Lust

Will this change ultimately improve my life and bring me closer to where I would like to be?

When we experience these impulses, or notice a change in our behaviour – such as drinking, eating, smoking or even exercising more than usual we need to try and objectively view our situation and find what it is that we are trying to run from.

Writing down dreams, recurring thoughts, and also just how we are feeling in a journal helps to pinpoint the real issue at hand. It is important to keep asking “why?”. When we keep asking “why?” for all of our behaviours we soon arrive at what are known as our core beliefs.

Letting go of control

Core Beliefs

Some common negative core beliefs:

I am not good enough – I am not worthy of happiness

I am not smart enough – I will fail at anything I try

I am unlovable – Nobody appreciates me

People are untrustworthy – They just want to take advantage

Our core beliefs are the intrinsic beliefs that we have about ourselves, other people, and the world as a whole. Beyond the ego and beyond our daily surface thoughts, they are the beliefs and values that govern how we perceive ourselves and the world around us.

By learning to recognise thoughts and impulses that come from our core beliefs we start to notice certain triggers and patterns in our behaviour.

This in itself is an exercise in mindfulness. By letting go of the urge to take control of a situation we inadvertently take control of our mind and life. The more these simple exercises are practised the more we start to feel free.

We soon start to realise that trying to control every aspect of our lives actually imprisons us even deeper inside our own mind and it becomes apparent that the villain in our tragedy is ourselves. We are the ones that are restricting ourselves and removing our freedom.

We are the creators of our own reality but the key to creation and true freedom is letting go of control and trusting that the life you desire will manifest itself.

Support My Work!

This blog and other related projects require a lot of time and money but I do it because I want to help people.

If you have benefitted from my content and would like to help me to keep creating more, then I would be so grateful for any donations through my Patreon account.

Letting go of control
The cat is called Naruto

Please Get In Contact!

I love hearing from people so please don´t be shy. If there is anything that you would like to hear more about or if you have any questions then you can contact me in any way that you would like!

Leave a comment on the article or, if you prefer, send me an email to conor@thequestforwisdom.com

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Categories
Addiction ADHD Alcohol Atomoxetine Drugs Mental Health Mind Obsession Sobriety Strattera Wellness

What´s It Like To Be Completely Sober?

What´s it like to be completely sober?

This article was written on 24.04.20 but re-published due to a site update

I would like to start this by saying that I AM NOT completely sober. I take a mind-altering substance every single day to help me live a normal life as well as recreational Psychedelic drugs from time to time because they FASCINATE me.

What do I take? I take Strattera, (Atomoxetine), which is a Noradrenaline Reuptake Inhibitor. This is a medication designed for people with ADHD who are expected to have an imbalance of Noradrenaline. Noradrenaline, amongst other things is responsible for our fight or flight response.

I have however passed through various stages of (almost) complete sobriety.

Complete sobriety I think is very nearly impossible. Everyone has their vice

Starting with the biggest killer in the world…

SUGAR

Followed by the next most popular poison of choice

CAFFEINE

Followed by

ALCOHOL

Followed by

NICOTINE

Illegal Drugs

After these come all of the “bad” drugs. The other drugs that all have very similar mind-altering effects but are considered damaging to society and thus illegal.

At least one of the “big 4” is freely available to purchase or consume in almost every part of the world and they are the “socially accepted” drugs – but by far amongst the most powerful.

I do not drink alcohol, I do not smoke (weed or cigarettes), I do not consume caffeine, I do not use cocaine. I do however use Psychedelic drugs from time to time.

So What´s It Like Be Sober With ADHD?

When I came back from Brazil I had come off my medication and was going somewhat crazy. Read about My Strattera experience here. Strattera can take up to 2 months to take effect in your body and so the changes that it makes are slow but quite drastic on a neurological and physical level. Coming off it was horrible.

For long term prescription drugs such as this it is highly unrecommended to suddenly stop, because although it is not a physically addictive drug, (there are no physical withdrawals or cravings), it does change how your body functions and so there can be a lot of side effects.

The first few days I noticed my anxiety levels shoot through the roof – partly due to the fear of uncertainty – but partly due to the rise in Noradrenaline.

Within a fairly short space of time I started to feel more and more out of control. When I am “sober” and not medicated I feel like I have adrenaline surging through my body.

I can feel it pulsing and if I try and sit still my muscles get cramped and agitated and I get restless leg syndrome. Some part of my body is constantly moving, twitching, shaking. Sometimes I will be sat “still” and my entire body will be vibrating.

It can be exciting, it feels like you are supercharged and unstoppable. It feels like being on a stimulant drug such as Cocaine or Amphetamine. However, being “high” like this all day causes me to be agitated and anxious. I talk incessantly, blurt things out, say totally inappropriate things because the “filter” that the Strattera gives me goes.

Those are the irritating parts but not the dangerous parts. The dangerous part is that I start WANTING danger. I start to search for any possible way to occupy my mind and give me pleasure. Anything that will stimulate me and excite me. I start craving alcohol, I start taking drugs, I start looking for sex, I start arguments, I start doing absolutely anything that will distract me from myself. I WANT the danger and I want the stimulation and I do anything to find it.

I got through this after a couple of months of insanity and then went to speak to a private therapist for the first time as I needed help and answers for some problems going on in my life. When I explained to her that I had been using recreational drugs from time to time she explained to me that it is not possible to give any sort of accurate evaluation until I had passed 3 months of sobriety – as a sober mind is a mind that is free from any sort of drug.

This made total sense and so I decided to stop absolutely everything that was mind altering in any way. I stopped having sex, I stopped taking any sort of drug, I stopped consuming caffeine, and then I even stopped consuming sugar by living off Huel (a vegan, organic, meal replacement shake), and then a diet almost 100% free of added sugars.

Quitting sugar and caffeine was absolute hell and made me realise how savagely addictive these substances are. The withdrawal symptoms are horrible and the depression that they cause is far worse than that of any other drug withdrawal I have experienced. Caffeine withdrawal for me lasted roughly a month and drinking caffeine was on my mind most of the time.

Trinity college
Trinity College, Dublin
A recent sober trip to Ireland – The land of drunkards

The whole point of this story is that by being as close to 100% sober as possible I was forced to see myself fully unmasked, without the added confidence and stimulation of caffeine, without the buzz of sugar, without the exciting thoughts from psychedelics, without the affection of sex. I was forced to experience life without any unnatural “buzz”.

I was faced head on with even more personal problems and insights into my personality and toxic behaviour traits. There was literally nowhere to run, and I found myself struggling to get out of bed as it was all too much.

What´s It Like To Be Sober

I was trying to stimulate myself in healthy ways, by going to creative events – poetry, comedy etc. and meeting new and interesting people. I was exercising, trying to get work done, and trying to be a normal human being. Sadly at the end of the day I was still miserable.

I was going through some family and relationship problems at the time as well and so this obviously didn’t help but I realise that I was, and have been for my whole life – DEPRESSED

When I realised this, it made total sense and seemed obvious as day. I had always thought I couldn’t be depressed because only depressed people get depressed. But obviously I was one of those depressed people.

Sane people don’t become addicts at the age of 12. This was actually something that my Therapist had to make me understand.

Depression and Sobriety

Depressed / people suffering with personality disorders / identity issues turn to drugs as an escape method. This of course does not mean that all people that take drugs have issues. Drugs are a wonderful pleasure of life so long as you use them responsibly. The tough part is using them responsibly.

The more troubled a person is, or the more toxic their environment the more likely they are to turn to drugs.

In my case these problems stemmed from the inability to control my brain and my thoughts. I have had major personality and identity issues my whole life and this has only started becoming clearer very recently through therapy.

On that cliff-hanger I will end the article. I have been writing more about my discoveries through therapy but that is for another day so stay tuned!

To read about my experience quitting drinking click here

If you have been having dental trouble read this interesting article about why ADHD can cause dental issues ADHD and dental issues

Support My Work!

This blog and other related projects require a lot of time and money but I do it because I want to help people.

If you have benefitted from my content and would like to help me to keep creating more, then I would be so grateful for any donations through my Patreon account.

Please Get In Contact!

I love hearing from people so please don´t be shy. If there is anything that you would like to hear more about or if you have any questions then you can contact me in any way that you would like!

Leave a comment on the article or, if you prefer, send me an email to conor@thequestforwisdom.com

You can also contact me Via

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The Quest For Wisdom Youtube Channel

Categories
ADHD Curiosity Mental Health Mind Obsession Positivity Self Confidence Sobriety TQFW Blog

#9 Neophilia and the Fear of Failure

A few weeks ago I was browsing through the internet and I came by the term “Neophile” or “Neophilia”.

Neophilia is the love/enthusiasm/obsession for what is new and novel, and it made me laugh reading about it as it was so relatable:

Categories
Addiction ADHD Atomoxetine (Strattera) Curiosity Mental Health Mind Obsession Positivity Sobriety TQFW Blog Treatment

#8 A New Addiction To Natural Highs

Words cannot describe the journey I have been on this weekend. I went from a state of complete and utter turmoil and chaos to flipping everything into the most positive experience of my entire life. What I have learned from the incredibly successful, intelligent and driven people that I spent time with is that literally the only motivation in life should be from happiness and searching for those natural highs.

Since my last post life has been absolute chaos, danger, destruction, and impulsivity due to my medication having not yet taken full effect again. I have had to ride this rollercoaster and just deal with each day becoming easier and easier. I have never felt so bad and so overwhelmed in my life.

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Addiction ADHD Atomoxetine (Strattera) Brazil Mental Health Mind Motivation Obsession Positivity TQFW Blog

#7 Spiralling Towards Insanity Once Again

Apologies for the massive delay since my last post. My couple of months in Brasil I spent training Martial Arts, (Muay Thai, Capoeira, Jiu Jitsu, Judo and a bit of boxing). I dedicated myself completely to this and so couldnt focus on anything else.

It was extremely challenging and I spent basically all day trying to make sure to eat enough food to fuel myself for the intense training. My first few sessions I pushed myself so hard that I puked and I realised that I needed to slow down and try and focus on the technique not just brute force.

Martial arts are amazing. They teach you patience, give you structure, keep you motivated and push your body to the limits. I need to continue this here in Spain so that I can really develop. Although I learned a lot it was all too much too quick, and it is something that requires a lot of patience.

Slow Down and Breathe – There Is No Rush

This is something which I need to apply to life, SLOW DOWN, relax, breathe and take things one step at a time. During the last couple of months in Brasil I was so absorbed by the training that I missed out on opportunities to explore and overcome some of the other challenges and personal problems that I wanted to resolve.

This left me feeling a bit deflated and I went from being excited to return home to nervous. The last 2 weeks of my trip I had run out of Atomoxetine, (the medication I take for ADHD), and so I split the dose so that it would last until I arrived home. I probably could have found a way of getting it whilst I was there but I was also stupid and curious to find out what it would be like to be off the medication and if I really had been, “cured”.

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Addiction ADHD Atomoxetine (Strattera) Fitness Mental Health Mind Obsession Positivity Sobriety TQFW Blog Treatment

#6 Strattera Changed my Life

This article will go more into depth about the process of starting treatment for ADHD with Strattera (Atomoxetine) which I mentioned in my article about seeking help for Alcohol Addiction. and will explain how Strattera changed my life.

It explains the whole process of getting treated and what I experienced along the way, in a way which I hope is easy understand.

I am happy to say that this article concludes the introductory “autobiographical” story and brings everything up to the current date with where I am now, both physically and mentally.


From now on I will be able to focus more on what I am learning from my travels and experiences and writing about different things that I pick up along the way and hopefully starting a video log and potentially making a mini documentary in the Amazon.

Categories
Addiction Alcohol Culture Mental Health Mind Obsession Self Confidence Sobriety TQFW Blog Treatment

#5 Why Is Everyone Drinking and Sniffing Cocaine To Solve Their Problems?

This article will focus on problem drinking (drinking to solve problems), and why we do this. I will try and use my experiences and the experiences of people that I have met – that have opened up to me – in order to write in a way that will hopefully be able to touch some people. The article will focus on drinking to solve problems but also mention the problem use of Cocaine – as often these go hand in hand.

I really want to make clear that I am not Anti-Alcohol or Anti-Drugs at all, for people that can use them with moderation, and are in control, they are a wonderful pleasure and very enjoyable. I just want to help people that feel they HAVE to use substances to hide from things, and that cannot control their use. 

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Addiction ADHD Alcohol Mental Health Mind Naltrexone Obsession Sobriety TQFW Blog Treatment

#3 Using Naltrexone to Quit Drinking Alcohol

Naltrexone is an opiate blocker that is used in the treatment of alcohol and opiate dependence. Using Naltrexone helps you quit drinking alcohol because, (in simple terms), is used to block the pleasure signals back to the brain and cut the, “reward system”. Interestingly, alcohol and opiates work in similar ways in the brain.

If you haven’t already read the original post about conquering alcohol addiction then click here


Using Naltrexone to Quit Drinking Alcohol

When the specialist first explained it to me I was very sceptical about the efficacy of the drug -and so I did not want to try it at first. I had heard of the “Anti-abuse” drugs which made people vomit and feel extremely sick if they drank whilst taking the drug – however the Doctor explained to me that these are rarely ever used anymore as they simply dont work.

People just stop taking the drug instead of stopping drinking.

Taking Naltrexone For the First Time

You are supposed to take the drug each day to block the craving signals which go to your brain, however, as I had gone cold turkey I hadn’t used it.

When I went for a long weekend in Ireland I thought it would be the perfect place to try it out. I started taking it 2 days before I arrived so that my body could get used to it.

It is difficult to describe how it makes you feel. I wouldn’t necessarily say it makes you feel sick, but it makes you feel a bit unpleasant, (I guess if my body was used to it then these unpleasant feelings would go away).

First Experience With Naltrexone

I cautiously drank my first beer, (beer not being something I used to often drink – just neat vodka or wine),and waited. I decided I was going to try and drink at the pace of everyone else -and that by doing that I wouldn’t end up getting wasted.

A few beers in and I realised I wasn’t feeling any effects from the alcohol, and it was actually unpleasant drinking.

I carried on drinking all night without feeling almost any effects. I could feel my body being drunk and more, “sloppy”, but I had none of the false euphoria and energy that alcohol gives you.

I also noticed that every so often I would really crave neat vodka, but that the thought would literally disappear, and I would start thinking about something else. This continued in a sort of cycle every 10 or 15 minutes.

From the airport I had brought with me a bottle of vodka, a bottle of rum and a bottle of gin – as a present for my friend whos house I was staying at / a present for myself.

No Desire To Drink

At the end of the night I was sat in his living room with the alcohol in front of me and it actually disgusted me to look at it.

Usually if I had a bottle of vodka sat in front of me it would be gone within about half an hour. I forced myself to take a swig of it and it I hated it.

I was getting none of the pleasure or kick that I would usually get from doing this. As the night continued I started to notice myself starting to feel hungover, even though I continued drinking.

When I woke up in the morning, instead of starting to drink again straight away which I would usually do – (I often used to leave a bottle of wine next to my bed so that I would have to even get out of bed to start drinking) – the thought of drinking again actually disgusted me.

I took the Naltrexone again and did the same thing again that night – not out of desire but out of curiosity and to put it to the test.

Strattera
40mg Strattera

Further Experiments With Naltrexone

I used Naltrexone on another 5 or 6 occasions when on holiday and it was always the same story. I wouldn´t feel any, “drunkness”, or any real positive effects from the alcohol, just notice the bad effects.

I realised how much I HATE alcohol – I think the taste is disgusting. Originally I thought to myself that maybe one day I would be able to learn to drink responsibly, but then I thought….

WHAT IS THE POINT?

Why force yourself to start liking something that causes nothing but damage to your body and brain? Why try and “drink responsibly” ie spend my time craving more and not enjoying the moment?

Using Naltrexone to stop drinking alcohol made me realise that there really are very few positives to drinking alcohol and that for the high it gives you it 100% is not worth the negative effects.

Staying Sober

I have not experienced being “drunk” since September 26th 2017, (when I decided to quit), and have not drunk any alcohol at all since mid-June 2018.

Knowing that I dislike the taste of alcohol – and realising that it has nothing positive to offer me, I am fairly positive that I will not return to drinking. If I were to drink again in the future it would be as a test of my self-will – but then this is something I am not sure is even worth it.

Helping People Who are Struggling To Quit Drinking Alcohol

I had never heard of Naltrexone before and didn’t even know drugs like this existed. I want to try and spread the word, so that people realise there are things that can be prescribed that can help people.

Alcoholics/drug addicts often feel lost and hopeless and like no-one understands them but there is a wealth of knowledge and help out there. You just have to be brave and seek it out.

Using Naltrexone to quit drinking alcohol really changed my life for the good.

To read the partner post to this, about quitting drinking alcohol please click this link

To see more posts about Alcohol Addiction please click here

Support My Work!

Become a Patreon

This blog and other related projects such as the upcoming Podcast and Youtube Channel are now my full time job and they require a lot of time and money.

If you like my content and would like to help me to keep creating more then I would be so grateful for any donations through my Patreon account

Please share this post on your social media sites

As always, I urge you to please share this post on your social media sites so that it can reach as many people as possible and people can see that there is help available for them.

Comments, criticisms, questions and suggestions are requested as always!!

If you would like to ask me anything the best way to do this is via message on the Facebook page – or via message on my personal Facebook if you know me. You can also comment on the post or send me an email. I WILL REPLY

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Categories
Addiction ADHD Alcohol Atomoxetine (Strattera) Mental Health Mind Naltrexone Obsession Sobriety Therapy TQFW Blog Treatment

#2. Getting Treatment for Alcohol Addiction

This post is a brief overview of the steps involved in admitting you are an alcoholic, seeking help and treatment for alcohol addiction, and the path to recovery.

It was very difficult to write this as I started writing, and was going off on so many tangents it was basically turning into a dissertation.

I have covered all the points I think I need to cover and I will go further into detail in future posts. I recommend clicking the link during the post to read my experience with Naltrexone as well as the 2 posts go hand in hand.

Categories
Crypto Currency Investment Obsession Risk Taking

Bitcoin, Ethereum, and The Lessons Learned from My Mistakes

This post will explain my path into borrowing money, investing in Bitcoin, Ethereum, and other crypto currencies and the lessons I learned from the mistakes along the way. I will also explain briefly the different investment opportunities that I believe we should all investigate.

I have written this post as it is something that a lot of people have asked me about and have been interested in.


Disclaimer – I am not an expert and I am not plugging anything. I am simply telling my story and then recommending that people take time to look into investment opportunities.