Words cannot describe the journey I have been on this weekend. I went from a state of complete and utter turmoil and chaos to flipping everything into the most positive experience of my entire life. What I have learned from the incredibly successful, intelligent and driven people that I spent time with is that literally the only motivation in life should be from happiness and searching for those natural highs.
Since my last post life has been absolute chaos, danger, destruction, and impulsivity due to my medication having not yet taken full effect again. I have had to ride this rollercoaster and just deal with each day becoming easier and easier. I have never felt so bad and so overwhelmed in my life.
When my sister came to visit she saw me, and within seconds, asked if I was on drugs because my behaviour was so erratic. I was not on drugs, I explained that I had been like this for a few weeks. All of my friends were worried about me and it seemed like I was spiralling into a dark pit of insanity once again.
It took me 2 hours to post a poem called “The Boy From Syria”, (which I had already written), on Instagram and walk out of my own front door. 2 hours. Pacing around fidgeting and picking things up and putting them down again. It was taking me 5 hours to get up, eat breakfast, shower and leave the house. It was intolerable and unbelievably frustrating.
I used this time of altered consciousness and emotional instability to create, and began to write a lot of poems and letters.
Click here to view The Boy From Syria. I have written many poems but don´t want to publish them yet.
Living Without Atomoxetine
No thoughts stayed in my head for more than a few milliseconds and I felt completely disabled. I was craving alcohol beyond belief and I began to use non addictive recreational drugs on certain days as there was no other escape.
Its another glance back into the life of untreated ADHD and the incredible power of the brain. The brain, needs, in fact more than needs DEMANDS constant stimulation and constant new challenges
When I look around at people I feel sad that so many people are misunderstood or outcast. our brains are all so incredibly powerful and complex that noone has quite harnessed the full potential. My dream with this blog, and future podcast, is to reach out to people who feel like this and try and touch and inspire people to connect with each other.
Creating a Community of Curious and Creative Minds
I want to create a community of incredibly different people who have their own curious creative minds, and I also want to set up some sort of center, be it virtual or physical, so that people of any age, (especially children), as young as possible can go, where they will be understood and given the right advice by the right people who have experienced it all.
The feeling of true loneliness and feeling alone in this world is absolutely heartbreaking and I have spent my whole life like this. Although I have a huge network of friends who love me and who I love back, I have spent 25 years feeling like an outcast and like I belong nowhere.
This has now changed. I will unite us all and help people to feel understood and liberated so that they can focus purely on creativity, or what makes them happy, and have the support network for the things that they struggle with.
The Gift / Curse of ADHD
The gift or curse of ADHD is that the brain is constantly ricocheting from A to B to Y to Yellow to 9. It is a hyperactive overstimulated brain. The challenge and the gift is to learn to harness this power to weaponise the brain and achieve incredible things.
Yesterday, for the first time in my 25 years on this planet, was the first time in my entire life where I have felt the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders, the burden of other peoples problems, the guilt and the shame for the terrible things that I have done and the sense of true freedom to become a man and live my life in the exact way that I want to.
This feeling, this emotion, was more than elation, it was a release and a euphoria that now finally I have no demons left. Problems, issues, concerns, sadness yes of course I still have some of those – but none of those are holding me back. Anything that stops me from achieving what I want to achieve will be destroyed in the most efficient manner possible.
An Addiction To Natural Highs
This feeling is my new addicition, up until how I have spent my life hopping from one addiction to the other, alcohol, weed, gym, hard drugs, recreational drugs, one night stands, orgies, always on this search to fill the void and the emptiness that I have inside of me.
To satisfy that fiendish addictiveness that causes me to act irrationally and dangerously and destroy everything good that is around me. From now on my new addiction is searching for those natural highs. Those feelings that come from within, from achievement, from knowledge, from generosity, from fulfilling your dreams. These are the only feelings that will ever make you truly happy.
In my Quest for Wisdom I have now learned that the key to life is to just do what makes you happy:
- If you hate your job – quit,
- If your partner is not making you happy and they are not going to change – leave them.
Don´t Settle For Mediocrity
Too many people settle for mediocrity, they settle for a job because they just want a steady income and are scared to push the boundaries a little bit. Mediocrity is not good enough. How can you spend 50 hours a week doing something that does not give you pleasure or satisfaction? Being stressed doing something you hate is the worst feeling you can have. If you know it is temporary and it is part of your further plan then great.
Being stressed but doing something you love is fantastic, it gives you that drive, that hunger, that passion to feel the intense satisfaction when you have completed your task.
We should all as a global team be working together to help each other achieve greatness. Too many people are afraid to ask for help. There will always be people who are better than you at certain things. ALWAYS. The key is to surround yourself with people that you are constantly learning from.
Toxicity and Problems, Breed Toxicity and Problems.
Creativity Breeds Creativity.
If you feel you are emotionally underdeveloped, as I certainly did then it is vital that you surround yourself with people that are extremely emotional. If you feel that you are lacking on knowledge, or don’t quite understand the complexities of business or how the world works then surround yourself by people who do understand these things.
Learning A Language
If you want to learn a language, make the effort, start finding pen-pals or contacts to practice with and then spend time around them. I have now started learning Russian and in my spare time I constantly have podcasts playing, YouTube videos explaining the grammar, sleep learning videos for all that subliminal learning.
Soon once I have progressed to a certain level like this I will start talking with Pen-pals. Learning in this way I taught myself to speak Portuguese in 5 months, whilst working up to 70 hours a week. If you can find time to scroll through social media sites looking at random things you can find time to read, write and learn.
My ex girlfriend S is one of the most incredible woman I have ever met and certainly the most emotionally intelligent. Throughout my time with her, the skills, the knowledge, and the insights into how peoples emotions work – as well as their interactions with one another – that I learned from her have been an enormous part of my journey. Before meeting her I was emotionally disabled.
I could not understand anything about peoples emotions, their motives for being upset, I could not empathise, I could not feel anything. It´s heartbreaking, and I am going through the process of grieving but after 2 years I finally accepted that sadly we did not work together, as although we love each beyond belief, we will never truly understand how each others brains operate and so as a partnership for life, it will not work.
She is so emotionally intelligent that she had me figured out years before I came to these conclusions myself. All of the things that I know now she told me at the start of our relationship.
ADHD Causes Hyper Sensitivity / Emotions
I knew that having ADHD causes you to be hyper emotional, everything you ever feel or do is in the most intense way possible. When I am happy or excited I ring every person I know and literally fire a barrage of information at them as quickly as possible. I literally have to ring them that second and speak to them at that moment. It cannot wait.
Before when I was sad or depressed I would keep this bottled up and never accept help from anyone. I recognised this early on and so subconsciously shut myself off from any emotions whatsoever so as to protect myself from harm or upset.
Networking and Finding Contacts
Always search for the right contacts, networking, socialising and putting yourself in uncomfortable/awkward situations gives us knowledge that money or studying can not buy. Our integrity and loyalty is what matters in life and if you have these qualities people will do anything to help you, as they know you would do the same for them in a heartbeat.
An example of this is that yesterday 2 friends that I met this weekend were staying in a hotel in Barcelona for a night, we had been in a villa partying for the weekend and they were extremely stressed trying to organise getting home, getting their car to the airport and suffering after a weekend of debauchery, whilst having to give constant love and attention to their child.
I wanted to repay the generosity and the wisdom that they imparted on me by offering to look after their child for a couple of hours so they could relax, sort out all of their things and enjoy some time in the hotel.
Push Yourself Out Of Your Comfort Zone
Looking after a 7 year old child alone is without doubt the scariest and most stressful thing I have ever done in my life. It made me grasp the pressure of being a parent, but I wanted to give them a gift that money cant buy. Children have always scared me beyond belief but it is a fear I knew I could conquer.
I would literally rather have a knife pulled on me in the street than be entrusted with the life of a child. Adults I can predict, and I trust myself to have the skills to resolve any situation with words, but children are unpredictable, they are crazy, curious, and need constant love and stimulation.
For someone who spends their time away with the fairies, trying to concentrate 100% of the time to ensure his safety, whilst also keeping him stimulated and happy, was utterly exhausting and overwhelming. But I backed myself, and I achieved it, and this made me incredibly proud.
The gift of giving is far better than the gift of receiving.
From this day I finally feel like an adult and I know exactly what I want from life and how to achieve it. I feel motivated and happy and like life is going to be great.
Please Contact Me With Any Questions or Ideas
I really urge anyone who has any questions, doubts, and especially great creative ideas to get in contact with me and together we can make it work. I have a lot of exciting projects lined up and I have a massive and constantly growing network of incredible people, who between us all can make anything happen.
Never feel shy or stupid to ask me anything. I guarantee 100% honesty. Equally I insist that you give me feedback or criticisms about anything that you read, as well as anything that you would like me to go further into detail about.
The Social Experiment – Curiositividad
I have started a social experiment through the art of writing letters, where I want to write to people all over the world and put some of my soul into each letter. The letters will all be hand written and will contain challenges and certain questions. My goal is to collect information and spark creativity from the community we create through these letters. I will then compile all the creations and make some sort of exhibition. To take part please email your address to firstname.lastname@example.org
Support My Work!
This blog and other related projects such as the upcoming Podcast and Youtube Channel are now my full time job and they require a lot of time and money.
If you like my content and would like to help me to keep creating more then I would be so grateful for any donations through my Patreon account
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