This article was written over the space of 3 years
2021
Just over a year ago now I decided to stop eating animal products. I guess the concept had been playing on my conscience for a while, but one hot summers night after a long cliché day in nature, the penny dropped and I cancelled the lamb curry that I was ordering and spent nearly 50 euros on vegetarian dishes from a wok restaurant.
I had been growing plants in my flat for the first time and I had started liquidising my waste food to use for fertiliser for the plants. This process had caused me to start considering the amount of waste I was actually producing. Glass, plastic, paper, organic matter etc. Truck loads full of waste. My experiment with the liquid fertiliser didn’t go as well as I hoped and my plants didn’t grow as big and strong as I was hoping, but it really gave me an insight into the time and energy that plants require to grow.
To my hike in nature, I had brought with me a juicy collection of fresh fruits. But, even the sweaty glutton that I am could not finish the mass of fructose based fuel that I had brought and I was left with some half pulverised, semi-fermented grapes. Looking at these grapes I was suddenly hit with a deep sadness at the thought of throwing these as waste. I imagined how long it had taken for those grapes to turn from seed into edible fruit, and the amount of energy and effort it had taken for those grapes to travel through supply chains from wherever they were grown, and arrive conveniently in my hands. Here I was, in the fortunate position to be able to waste these grapes at my leisure.
This was the exact moment that the penny dropped and a sense of total hypocrisy flooded my being. I was midway through ordering a curry from my favourite curry house, (I say A curry but it was more like several curries), including a delicious lamb curry. I saw my flawed nonsensical logic and almost felt stupid for being concerned about these grapes when here I was, about to devour something which had not only taken a lot of energy to grow and transport, but had also had a life and a personality. I stopped eating meat that moment.
A few months after this I decided to go full vegan. If I was concerned about the welfare of the animals and the energy required to feed us, (and them), then vegetarianism wasn’t good enough for me, it had to be the full whack. Since then I have tried to cut down, minimise, reduce, change, search for alternatives, and find some way to feed myself in a sustainable way.
In typical 21st century style there was an immense amount of information available, and no general consensus on anything. Depending on who you listen to, and what you read, the answers are totally different.
- Cows are killing the planet
- Mcdonalds is chopping down the amazon rainforest
- Termite farts are a big contributor to global warming
- The rise of hipsters buying avocados in Europe is destroying the planet
- The production of soya is damaging the planet.
- Almond milk uses hundreds of litres of water to make one litre and contains hardly any almonds
There is no respite from this insanity and I started to empathise with the often vilified vegans that protest the streets. I have heard it said that Vegans give Veganism a bad name because their screaming, shouting, protesting, crying and forcing facts upon people can be unpleasant.
Now, whether or not their methods of publicity are useful and justified is another story, however, I finally started to get it. These people are frustrated, angry, and unhappy with living in a world where it is nigh on impossible for an average person to survive on sustainable goods – without harming any living being. Here, I am not just referring to food but all consumer goods – clothing, electronics etc. There is suffering attached to almost everything that you purchase, and once you start investigating and unravelling this, Pandora´s box is opened and there is no turning back.
I felt a sense of despair every time I purchased something, to the point where I just stopped buying anything that wasn’t totally necessary, (useful for my bank balance). It seemed that everywhere I looked I was faced with examples of human greed, consumerism and wasteful behaviour.
I thought I was being an eco-warrior and playing my part in the survival of the planet – and thus the human species – by not consuming animal products whilst tucking into my Ecuadorian banana and Californian almonds.
My chickpeas and lentils were coming from Pakistan and India,
The bulk of my fruit from Latin America
Dates from the Middle East
Soy Milk from various countries
Even leather free trainers often used glue made from animals so I was walking around in old worn through trainers for months whilst trying to find a pair of shoes that would be vegan and comfortable. I spent €70 on some Vegan Eco trainers which were so uncomfortable that I had to sell them.
2023 – 1 year later….
I was exasperated and the stress of trying to feed myself was overwhelming.
After the first year I managed to calm down a bit. I should also mention that along with going Vegan I stopped consuming sugar, gluten, sweetener, and caffeine so I didn´t make life particularly easy for myself.
But I had to experience it…
I wanted to be pure, clean, unadulterated and free from molecules which would affect my brain. I was trying to heal my brain and body from previous alcohol and drug abuse and I had to know if the hype around eating healthily was justified.
Although my diet was extremely restricted, I paradoxically felt an initial sense of freedom. I have always struggled with binge eating, appetite control, and resisting cravings for junk food, so living in a city surrounded by enchanting fast food and cake shops is mentally challenging. The massive dietary restrictions put virtually everything off limits and allowed me to roam freely. I enjoy being disciplined and I find it satisfying to resist temptation, so the first two years were relatively simple for me. But then I hit a wall….
I began to become disenfranchised with the idea of vegan eating and I was in a constant battle debating whether or not I was doing the right thing. I seemed to be lethargic and constantly hungry and concerns of being malnourished were plaguing me. Even before becoming vegan, feeding myself had always been the most stressful part of my day and I felt that I was just making things unnecessarily hard for myself.
I have always exercised a lot and cared about muscle growth and fitness so concerns of how to reach protein goals were always playing on my mind.
Logic told me that millions of years of eating animals meant that we are very well adapted to eating meat and I never bought into the idea that eating meat was inherently unhealthy.
I used to pride myself on having an iron stomach, able to consume huge quantities of food and alcohol without ever feeling sick. But this all changed…
When you start removing things from your diet and introducing large quantities of different foods, you can wreak havoc on your gut. The main sources of protein for vegans are foods such as: soy, chick peas, lentils, other legumes, nuts. etc. and none of these foods are easy to digest.
I became so sensitive to food that even small amounts of sweetener or sugar in foods would give me a headache and make me feel queasy. Small amounts of gluten would swell my stomach and affect my digestion. Sprinklings of cocoa powder in raw energy balls would fill me with energy and give me a headache and when I did eventually start drinking decaffeinated coffee, after a 2.5 years abstinence from caffeinated drinks, I would be absolutely wired from the small amounts of caffeine present.
This meant that I was very strict with what I ate, avoiding virtually all packaged food and treats and was hyper-aware of changes within my body when I ate.
Although it was challenging, and irritating for my girlfriend when we went to eat places, I stayed strict with the diet because I realised that these sensitivities to food had probably always been there and I had just developed a tolerance over time. I have spoken a lot about ADHD in previous posts, and I was on a mission to try and mitigate the unpleasant symptoms that so many people, (ADHD or not), experience.
- Brain fog
- Problems with concentration
- Anxiety
- Restlessness
- Irritability
- Forgetfulness
As we now know, the gut is the second brain, and what we feed ourselves directly impacts our mental state. I wanted to heal, and reach a stable and healthy mental state so I decided to cut out the foods that are known to have strong impacts on the brain:
Sugar, Sweetener, Gluten, Caffeine.
If you google the effects of any of these on the brain you will find a myriad of articles and papers telling you how detrimental they are and a cornucopia of articles detailing the amazing benefits of these foods.
As always, no general consensus could be found so I tried to break it down logically into small facts which are widely accepted and link those to brain health. I am not going to go deep into anything because it´s a rabbit hole and I am not going to even try to explain complex medical phenomenon:
- Sugar has a strong effect on dopamine levels. ADHD is linked to dysregulation of dopamine. Anecdotally, Sugar also makes me fiendishly hungry and diverts my thoughts towards obtaining more sugar
- Sweetener tricks the brain and prepares the body for consumption of sugary foods – probably not a good thing.
- Gluten is inflammatory and has an opioid (numbing – think opium) effect on the brain. Many people are also intolerant to gluten without having the physical symptoms. Brain fog has been linked to gluten and makes sense due to the opioid effect – not good
- Caffeine increases levels of Cortisol and Adrenaline. Cortisol is the stress hormone responsible for fight or flight. High levels of adrenaline and cortisol can cause Anxiety. Caffeine affects sleep. Poor sleep affects emotional regulation, motivation, concentration – and virtually every aspect of life .
So what did I notice when cutting out these?
A DRAMATIC reduction in the following symptoms to an almost non existant level.
- Brain fog
- Problems with concentration
- Anxiety
- Restlessness
- Irritability
- Forgetfulness
I first realised this when I accidentally ate some gluten and I noticed this weird change in my brain state and my thoughts became foggy and jumbled.
2024 – 2 years later…
I kept my strict diet for about three years in total. I broke the veganism when I was at a friends wedding by accidentally eating foie gras ice cream. They were serving all sorts of delicious treats and I knew it was unlikely there would be anything a sugar free, vegan, gluten free person could eat so I had already resigned myself to the fact I would probably eat cheese. I started making my way through some delicious guacamole and cheese until I saw they brought out these mini ice cream cones. I did think it was odd that they were bringing out mini ice cream cones with all the savoury food but I decided I would give one a go. It was lovely, like salted caramel, so I ate a few. My friends came over and told me it was foie gras ice cream and then the floodgates opened. I felt like I had gone from sobriety to mainlining heroin and so then nothing else mattered.
The weekend after I went to a friends birthday party at a venue on a farm where they ethically farm and have all local produce. The vegan option for the evening meal was 2 vegetable skewers with potatoes and the carnivore option was pulled pork and sausages.
I had been toying with the idea of trying to eat ethically farmed meat or fish and wanted to understand if these practices could be truly ethical and sustainable, so it felt like the perfect opportunity. Im still not sure to this day how I feel about it but for the past year I have been eating meat and fish. I kept pretty strict on the sugar and gluten until recently when I decided to derestrict myself for a while and eat the pleasures I have been starved off for so long.
I was hoping to have a solid conclusion at the end of this 3 year article but I dont. I have great respect for life long vegans and people who live with moderate and controlled diets but I also have great respect for people who hunt their own meat or catch their own fish. Most people would struggle to slaughter their own meat or fish and it tells you something about our innate aversion to harming animals. I often question how the world would be now if animal husbandry had not been adopted and we had focused more effort on the cultivation of other crops. I wonder if it would actually be sustainable and achievable for a 100% vegan world.
I also think that our genetics play a strong part in what types of foods our bodies need. I dont think there is a one size fits all diet. Some people with high cholesterol may benefit from avoiding animal products. Some people whos bodies are not efficient at absorbing nutrients and processing protein may need meat or fish in their diet. Living a healthy life as a vegan is challenging and requires planning and a lot of effort and not everybody has the time or the energy for this – and that´s okay. We all have the choice to pick our own battles based on what is most important to us.
We need to fight against this “us vs. them” mentality when it comes to dietary choices. I cant see a “right” answer its just a matter of personal perspective and circumstance….
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